Change...

Change. It is something most people hate. I am one of those to an extent. Why? Well, most of us are too afraid to step out of a comfort zone, afraid of the unknown, or just plain stubborn. I have at some point fell into all of those categories. You probably have too. But here lately, change has been on my mind more than ever.


I find myself wanting to change. Yes, you heard me correctly, I WANT to change. My heart is so full of things that I want to change. I keep asking myself where do I start. I finally realized I just have to start somewhere. So my first change that I am working on that I find is going to probably be the easiest for me is my healthy lifestyle. I have been on again off again with eating right and working out. Now that I'm getting over an injury I find myself pushing myself harder than ever. One thing I love about walking into my Crossfit box is the support system. During my injury, I basically threw myself a pity party and quit going. Now I realize that was the wrong thing. I missed the people, the atmosphere, and doing something I love. I didn't realize how deep the love for Crossfit ran inside of me. Past few weeks, I can't wait to get there and hate to leave. My eating as always been a struggle for me. This girl loves to eat too!! But I realized I'm never gonna change or improve if I don't change my eating habits. So change number in motion.

My second change I consider an improvement.  That it is to be a better parent. I don't think I'm a bad parent I just think I need to improve. So many times we/ I find ourselves taking advice from people about how to raise our own child. Why? Well. Most of the time it's uninvited advice. Sometimes it's our parents trying to help us. Then sometimes we just flat out ask for the advice. I've been in all three situations. It is frustrating for sure. I have realized that I'm Stephen's mom, I can make a decision to what I think is best without advice. Sometimes, I have to go with my gut feeling. I'm sure you do too. I do appreciate the advice given. But, we as parents have to raise our child the way we think and feel is best. So, my goal is to work at being a better parent with out always taking and using someone else's advice.

My last change that has weighed on my mind more than anything is my heart. And that can and does include so many different things. My heart as a Christian, my heart as a mom, a friend, a wife, a co- worker, and my heart as this is me the person I am. I have struggled to get back into church for many reasons, but the main reason is that the past year or so people I thought to be devoted Christians have turned into the biggest hypocrites I have ever seen. And when you are struggling with own " demons" seeing these people do what they have done hurts you more than they will ever know. I guess I'm trying to say just be who you are and not a fake person. Do not use God or church as an excuse. I remember for a while I felt God knocking on my hearts door. I ignored it until one day I realized He had quit knocking. But it wasn't His fault but mine. What am I running from anyways? All He wants to do is love me unconditionally. And I know that He still loves me even though I' ve been running from Him like crazy. At least I feel Him knocking on my hearts door again... Another part of my heart that wants change is making a difference in this world. I may not make a difference in another country, another state, or even another county but I want to make a difference. I think I know where that road is going to take me but still gotta get to praying and searching for that answer. In time I will know.

Now I guess I said all that to say this, be real, be your best, be you. Don't live out someone else's life for them. No one wins. If you have to make changes then do so, even if it means stepping out of your comfort zone and taking a huge leap of faith.

A thankful heart

As our Thanksgiving holiday has come to an end, I find myself with such a thankful heart this year. The past 3 years have definitely been a growing experience for me. This Thanksgiving I have realized those past 3 years have taught me so much. So I have so much to be thankful for...

The most important is that God loves us no matter how lost we get or how far we run from him. In the past couple of years I thought I was close to God but found that I wasn't in church nor was I even praying, trusting, confiding, or reading His word. I realized not long ago that I was just completely lost. It's funny how God works, one situation can bring you back to Him. So I am completely Thankful for His unfailing love and forgivingness.

Next I am thankful for a wonderful family. God definitely knew what He was doing when He gave me the family He did. I have the greatest parents I could ever ask for. I have a son that has my heart wrapped more than once. I am blessed beyond measure for him to call me " Mommy!" I am certainly thankful for a second chance with the love of my life, Lee. God has bigger and better things for us and isn't finished with US yet! I am gratefully that we have been given another chance. We learned not to give up and to work through everything.  Blessed to him in my life. Much love for my family.

God not only blessed me with a "blood" family but I have a second family that I love just as much as much as my biological family. The Barron family has been such a blessing to me for years now. Since 2004 I have had a second set of parents (ma & pa). Pa went to be with God our savior in August of this year. I also in 2004 adopted 2 brothers! We have fun confusing people with that one. Haha...   Now my second family has grown as both my "brothers" have married. They both have a child of their own now. I thank God for my second family!

I wake up every morning ready to head to my job. Most people wake up dreading it. But I don't. Why? Well, that's easy... I love my job.  I have been blessed with one of the greatest jobs in the world. More importantly is the small group of people I work with. They truly are like family too! Guess I have a huge extended family. :)  I started my job when I was in one of the roughest places in my life and the family at SBR accepted with arms wide open and supported me through everything! For that I am truly thankful.  I can't express how thankful I am to have the job and co-workers.

I guess I could go on and on about things or people I am thankful for. But it would take a long time. So, let me end this way I have a very thankful heart tonight for many reasons. I hope that as you're Thanksgiving holiday comes to end you also have a very thankful heart. I hope that you realize some new things/ people to be thankful for.