Change. It is something most people hate. I am one of those to an extent. Why? Well, most of us are too afraid to step out of a comfort zone, afraid of the unknown, or just plain stubborn. I have at some point fell into all of those categories. You probably have too. But here lately, change has been on my mind more than ever.
I find myself wanting to change. Yes, you heard me correctly, I WANT to change. My heart is so full of things that I want to change. I keep asking myself where do I start. I finally realized I just have to start somewhere. So my first change that I am working on that I find is going to probably be the easiest for me is my healthy lifestyle. I have been on again off again with eating right and working out. Now that I'm getting over an injury I find myself pushing myself harder than ever. One thing I love about walking into my Crossfit box is the support system. During my injury, I basically threw myself a pity party and quit going. Now I realize that was the wrong thing. I missed the people, the atmosphere, and doing something I love. I didn't realize how deep the love for Crossfit ran inside of me. Past few weeks, I can't wait to get there and hate to leave. My eating as always been a struggle for me. This girl loves to eat too!! But I realized I'm never gonna change or improve if I don't change my eating habits. So change number in motion.
My second change I consider an improvement. That it is to be a better parent. I don't think I'm a bad parent I just think I need to improve. So many times we/ I find ourselves taking advice from people about how to raise our own child. Why? Well. Most of the time it's uninvited advice. Sometimes it's our parents trying to help us. Then sometimes we just flat out ask for the advice. I've been in all three situations. It is frustrating for sure. I have realized that I'm Stephen's mom, I can make a decision to what I think is best without advice. Sometimes, I have to go with my gut feeling. I'm sure you do too. I do appreciate the advice given. But, we as parents have to raise our child the way we think and feel is best. So, my goal is to work at being a better parent with out always taking and using someone else's advice.
My last change that has weighed on my mind more than anything is my heart. And that can and does include so many different things. My heart as a Christian, my heart as a mom, a friend, a wife, a co- worker, and my heart as this is me the person I am. I have struggled to get back into church for many reasons, but the main reason is that the past year or so people I thought to be devoted Christians have turned into the biggest hypocrites I have ever seen. And when you are struggling with own " demons" seeing these people do what they have done hurts you more than they will ever know. I guess I'm trying to say just be who you are and not a fake person. Do not use God or church as an excuse. I remember for a while I felt God knocking on my hearts door. I ignored it until one day I realized He had quit knocking. But it wasn't His fault but mine. What am I running from anyways? All He wants to do is love me unconditionally. And I know that He still loves me even though I' ve been running from Him like crazy. At least I feel Him knocking on my hearts door again... Another part of my heart that wants change is making a difference in this world. I may not make a difference in another country, another state, or even another county but I want to make a difference. I think I know where that road is going to take me but still gotta get to praying and searching for that answer. In time I will know.
Now I guess I said all that to say this, be real, be your best, be you. Don't live out someone else's life for them. No one wins. If you have to make changes then do so, even if it means stepping out of your comfort zone and taking a huge leap of faith.
