A Winter Snow

I love listening to Christmas music. I am one of THOSE people that are tuned in to THAT one radio station before Thanksgiving to start my Christmas music jam out season! What you may not realize though, is for me music speaks to me more than a preacher preaching on Sunday morning. For me it only takes one song, one line in song, one verse, one chorus, to grab my heart and soul! Today, it happened...

Winter Snow by Chris Tomlin featuring Audrey Assad

This song absolutely grabbed me at lunch today. Struggling at lunch to understand things, I was scanning the radio to find something to sooth my anxious heart. I found it. Or, should I say it found me.

The song talks about all the ways Jesus could have came to us that Christmas night... Like a storm, like a forest fire, like a tidal wave, but instead He came like a Winter Snow, " quiet, soft, and slow."  And, I realized, He is still that way, " quiet, soft, and slow."  Never has He came to me like a storm, fire, tidal wave, or roaring flood. He always has a soft gentle touch to the heart. Quiet moments His presence seem so prominent. He works on you and your heart at slow pace. His patience never runs out. He never gives up, even when we think He has. 

As I am writing, the song is on repeat. The more I listen, the more my heart sings, the more peaceful my soul becomes. He is here. And my thoughts grow. I needed the reassurance He is still with me. He still loves me. He came to Earth in the night to save me, you, and the World. He is our saving grace. We fail Him daily. And He loves us anyway! He came knowing that He would die to save us from our own sins. He loves us that much. I don't thank Him enough, I don't give Him credit enough, I don't praise Him enough. I have fallen short. I am human, but I am His.

As Christmas approaches quickly this year, I have struggled to be all into Elf on Shelf, Santa, and his elves. I have 6 year old who is more than ready for Santa, but I want him to know that Jesus is most important this Christmas Season. He may be small but he loves himself some Jesus.  All the gifts, all the money spent, all the credit card debt just won't equal what Jesus means in this season. His gift of love, life, and forgiveness is priceless. Tonight, while my tree is lit, my stockings hung, I find myself looking beyond all that to see a Savior's birth that changed my life. Isn't it amazing, a baby in a stable, in manger, would change the world a few years later! He made a sacrifice that we could never repay. He loves us that much! He died to save us! Merry Christmas!

Broken for His Plan

As I pulled into the hospital today, I heard the end of a song that caught my attention. I found myself sitting in the car, tears in my eyes, and reality hitting me in the face! It was like a sucker punch out of no where!! What in the world have I been doing? Running. Running from the life He has planned for me! Why? It's scary, especially when you know how broken you are. But in all reality, we are all broken in some shape, form, or fashion.

The song reflects a broken marriage and the couple trying to stay together. But, when God wants to get your attention He can and will use exactly what he knows will get your attention. So there I sat, knowing that I am broken, realizing I'm not the only broken one, realizing that being broken is one way to grow closer to Him.  I sat in my car... Heavy hearted and mind racing. Knowing that I have scars and that He loves me regardless of those scars and broken pieces. And all I can say is, "Thank You!"

I was reminded as well that He knows the plans for our life. His plans are much better than the one we have dreamt up ourselves. I found myself saying I could never have such an awesome plan from God. I'm broken, a mess, nowhere close to where I should be for Him to use me. He quietly reminded me, that my life, my story, is all part of His plan! He wanted me to be broken to help someone else that is broken! And what have I done? Just sat here and been broken. Not using my life, my story, my broken pieces to help someone else.

So I pray that my brokenness, my shattered pieces, my scars are used to help someone else! That through my broken pieces love shines!

A Purpose and a little bit of Faith

 

If Faith is believing, then I believe. If believing is to have Faith, then I have Faith. I believe my journey is for a reason, a reason yet unknown to me completely. I have Faith that God will lead me.

 I'm not sure why God chose to make this my journey. For months, I really didn't think He cared. I questioned Him, I questioned my belief in Him, I questioned my Faith upon which I was raised. Why would God put someone through this? I mean really, what have I done to deserve this hurt? What didn't I do? What do I do wrong? His answer.... Finally, was " Nothing." Nothing? Really, Lord, is that all? Nothing? If you know me at all, you know I'm a little impatient. And I am no different when it comes to me talking to my Savior!

 I am not gonna "rehash" my situation. Most of you know it and this post isn't about the situation. So with that being said.... Back to what I was saying. It took me a long time to confront God about my situation. And mainly when I first confronted Him, it was more questions than praying the nice little prayers people think you should pray. Then a point came a few months ago where the questions ran out and my heart fell silent for the first time and I heard finally His answer of " Nothing." I didn't do anything wrong. It wasn't something I said or did. It was beyond my control but it now is part of my story. In the stillness of my heart and quiet answers He began revealing His purpose for my journey.

 I finally, fighting Him and my best friend Janna, tooth and nail, I went back to Wiregrass Church. Nerves shot and tears flowed. I remember sitting there crying, my heart screaming for Him. This place, this moment is right where I needed to be. To drop my burdens, to leave the cold heart there, to let go of the anger and hurt, to let Him fill me with His love. To seek Him in all I do, to find a new starting point, to believe, to have Faith. His purpose for my life is going to be amazing! Why wouldn't it be? He loves us all, more than we could ever imagine. Just as I know my purpose will be amazing, so will your purpose. Your journey is for a reason. He has a plan for you. Drop the pride, find your knees more often, and talk to Him. Have Faith in Him! Believe that you are worth so much more than the worldly things to Him!

Finding My Smile

There comes a time to forgive, a time to let go, a time to heal, and a time to move on.  So when is the time right for any of those? When your heart says so.  We tend to let the outside world tell us when it's appropriate to do these things. When the outside world hasn't a clue what your heart looks like or feels like. 

I have never been one to hide my emotions, you can pretty much look at me and know exactly how I feel. But I found myself hiding emotions a few months back. Letting the outside world tell me how I should act and feel in my situation. I was starting to believe that no one understood how I felt. In 29 years I have never felt the way I have in the last few months. Believing that no one would ever understand hurt just as much as the feelings themselves. I kept those feelings bottled up until one day I just crumpled. I think a couple of friends were worried. They had never heard me express the feelings that were rolling off my tongue. It was a vomit of emotions. I have never in my life felt so unwanted, unloved, so ugly, so alone, so abandoned, such a disaster. I was falling apart at the seams. Waking up wondering if anyone would ever want me for me, love me for me. 

I had already had my time to forgive or so I had thought. I had forgiven him, but not her. So that was pointless, I had not accomplished much by only forgiving one of the two. But I can now forgive her. Why? Because, I have to let go, heal, and move on.  If you have never truly forgave someone, try it. Just saying. It helps you in so many ways. 

After being stuck in all those crappy feelings, I finally made my mind up that I'm done with that. It was time to let it go and move on. I woke up one day last week for the first in weeks, with a smile on my face and truly heart happy. I realized that someone will come along when the time is right, and love me for me.  

I realize that my heart is healing, the way my heart needs too. Not the way society thinks it should. It's ok to cry, it's ok be mad, and it's ok to smile.  My heart is steadily picking up the pieces and I now know all is going to be ok. I'm glad I could find my smile. 

"A gentle word, a kind look, a good natured smile can work wonders and accomplish miracles."~ William Hazlitt

Holding a Grudge or Forgiving

I should have seen it coming, but I didn't . The truth is, it hurts like heck. A broken heart isn't an easy over night fix. To know that someone you loved so much, doesn't love you back. Knowing they chose to find someone else and mislead you for months doesn't help. But, with all the emotions of anger, hurt, betrayal, unloved and the list could go on, I have found some important life lessons in this. 

Many people want me to hold a grudge, to hate him, to take him to the cleaners, to make his life miserable, to trash him every chance I get, but that's NOT how it is going to work. That's not how it is working. Yes, people I'm hurt. Yes, I'm frustrated and no where close to being fully over this. But, here is a start, and maybe, just maybe, you can learn from it too. 

You see, now that I have had time to process what happened and where I'm headed, I see things so different than from the outside world looking in. I no longer hold a grudge, I'm working on forgiving him. Crazy, right? Nope! Unfortunately, most people I know hold a grudge against him more than I do. Which is crazier? You were not in the situation nor did you have to deal with it. People think they have the answer, but in reality they are in their " happily married bubble" or " man hater bubble" and can't give good, honest advice. Sorry, not trying to be rude.  I have had 1 person give me their opinion and it made so much sense and to that person Thank You. 

What he did was wrong. Families were destroyed. Hearts broken. But, he also was a good father, a good husband, a good friend. When everything happened people forgot all that! They forgot him. They marked him off for a lose. I am realizing I have to be the one to show how forgiving someone works. Like I said, I no longer hold a grudge. I am working on the forgiving part. You know, I could let this ruin my life, but why?! I have chose to be different and to follow my heart. I know him and I are over, but we have a precious child together that needs both of us. So, I'm following my heart, letting go of the anger and working on forgiving. 

Change...

Change. It is something most people hate. I am one of those to an extent. Why? Well, most of us are too afraid to step out of a comfort zone, afraid of the unknown, or just plain stubborn. I have at some point fell into all of those categories. You probably have too. But here lately, change has been on my mind more than ever.


I find myself wanting to change. Yes, you heard me correctly, I WANT to change. My heart is so full of things that I want to change. I keep asking myself where do I start. I finally realized I just have to start somewhere. So my first change that I am working on that I find is going to probably be the easiest for me is my healthy lifestyle. I have been on again off again with eating right and working out. Now that I'm getting over an injury I find myself pushing myself harder than ever. One thing I love about walking into my Crossfit box is the support system. During my injury, I basically threw myself a pity party and quit going. Now I realize that was the wrong thing. I missed the people, the atmosphere, and doing something I love. I didn't realize how deep the love for Crossfit ran inside of me. Past few weeks, I can't wait to get there and hate to leave. My eating as always been a struggle for me. This girl loves to eat too!! But I realized I'm never gonna change or improve if I don't change my eating habits. So change number in motion.

My second change I consider an improvement.  That it is to be a better parent. I don't think I'm a bad parent I just think I need to improve. So many times we/ I find ourselves taking advice from people about how to raise our own child. Why? Well. Most of the time it's uninvited advice. Sometimes it's our parents trying to help us. Then sometimes we just flat out ask for the advice. I've been in all three situations. It is frustrating for sure. I have realized that I'm Stephen's mom, I can make a decision to what I think is best without advice. Sometimes, I have to go with my gut feeling. I'm sure you do too. I do appreciate the advice given. But, we as parents have to raise our child the way we think and feel is best. So, my goal is to work at being a better parent with out always taking and using someone else's advice.

My last change that has weighed on my mind more than anything is my heart. And that can and does include so many different things. My heart as a Christian, my heart as a mom, a friend, a wife, a co- worker, and my heart as this is me the person I am. I have struggled to get back into church for many reasons, but the main reason is that the past year or so people I thought to be devoted Christians have turned into the biggest hypocrites I have ever seen. And when you are struggling with own " demons" seeing these people do what they have done hurts you more than they will ever know. I guess I'm trying to say just be who you are and not a fake person. Do not use God or church as an excuse. I remember for a while I felt God knocking on my hearts door. I ignored it until one day I realized He had quit knocking. But it wasn't His fault but mine. What am I running from anyways? All He wants to do is love me unconditionally. And I know that He still loves me even though I' ve been running from Him like crazy. At least I feel Him knocking on my hearts door again... Another part of my heart that wants change is making a difference in this world. I may not make a difference in another country, another state, or even another county but I want to make a difference. I think I know where that road is going to take me but still gotta get to praying and searching for that answer. In time I will know.

Now I guess I said all that to say this, be real, be your best, be you. Don't live out someone else's life for them. No one wins. If you have to make changes then do so, even if it means stepping out of your comfort zone and taking a huge leap of faith.

A thankful heart

As our Thanksgiving holiday has come to an end, I find myself with such a thankful heart this year. The past 3 years have definitely been a growing experience for me. This Thanksgiving I have realized those past 3 years have taught me so much. So I have so much to be thankful for...

The most important is that God loves us no matter how lost we get or how far we run from him. In the past couple of years I thought I was close to God but found that I wasn't in church nor was I even praying, trusting, confiding, or reading His word. I realized not long ago that I was just completely lost. It's funny how God works, one situation can bring you back to Him. So I am completely Thankful for His unfailing love and forgivingness.

Next I am thankful for a wonderful family. God definitely knew what He was doing when He gave me the family He did. I have the greatest parents I could ever ask for. I have a son that has my heart wrapped more than once. I am blessed beyond measure for him to call me " Mommy!" I am certainly thankful for a second chance with the love of my life, Lee. God has bigger and better things for us and isn't finished with US yet! I am gratefully that we have been given another chance. We learned not to give up and to work through everything.  Blessed to him in my life. Much love for my family.

God not only blessed me with a "blood" family but I have a second family that I love just as much as much as my biological family. The Barron family has been such a blessing to me for years now. Since 2004 I have had a second set of parents (ma & pa). Pa went to be with God our savior in August of this year. I also in 2004 adopted 2 brothers! We have fun confusing people with that one. Haha...   Now my second family has grown as both my "brothers" have married. They both have a child of their own now. I thank God for my second family!

I wake up every morning ready to head to my job. Most people wake up dreading it. But I don't. Why? Well, that's easy... I love my job.  I have been blessed with one of the greatest jobs in the world. More importantly is the small group of people I work with. They truly are like family too! Guess I have a huge extended family. :)  I started my job when I was in one of the roughest places in my life and the family at SBR accepted with arms wide open and supported me through everything! For that I am truly thankful.  I can't express how thankful I am to have the job and co-workers.

I guess I could go on and on about things or people I am thankful for. But it would take a long time. So, let me end this way I have a very thankful heart tonight for many reasons. I hope that as you're Thanksgiving holiday comes to end you also have a very thankful heart. I hope that you realize some new things/ people to be thankful for.

Four years ago....

As most Americans, we have been watching the TV to see who will be the next President. I was extremely excited today as I cast my vote. Four years ago today the presidential election was the last thing on my mind....

Four years ago I laid in a hospital bed praying that I would not be transported to Birmingham. Four years ago I was pregnant and scared to death. The night before election day in 2008, Lee rushed me to the emergency room. We both knew something was wrong but wasn't sure what it was. As nurses and the doctor come in and out talking and asking a million questions, doing tests, bloodwork and more talking and questions the answer was clear and heartbreaking. I was in pre-term labor!

As a first time mommy to be I wasn't sure what that meant but I just knew it wasn't good. My blood pressure was high and our little man was ready to make his entrance into this world. Doctors gave shots to stop the labor, warning me that if in 12 to 24 hours the labor had not stopped we would be transported to Birmingham. I was told that if we were transported to Birmingham that our little one would be born there even though my due date was January 31, 2009. We were also told it would be hard for our little one to survive. My heart sank and my blood pressure climbed. What was I suppose to do? I mean if I could turn a switch to make the pre term labor stop I would have. I did the only thing I knew to do.....Pray! Between praying, nurses, doctors, and the TV showing the election I wasn't getting much rest. But by morning, my blood pressure was slowly coming down and labor was slowly coming to a stop.by the end of the week the doctor cleared me and I was headed home.

Four years later I casted my vote for who I felt will do their best for this awesome place we live. After voting tonight I was able to go home to the cutest blond hair blue eyed little man I have ever seen. My love for him is more than he will ever know! I thank God I missed an election because I wouldn't want to miss one day with out Stephen!

Jump Rope... Well...

I hate to hear that jump ropes are in my workout! We just don't get along very well. I mean really the jump rope should do exactly what I tell it too! Oh but how it does... I just can't jump rope! Lol.. Yep, I laughed. No need in getting mad about it. Since joining Circle City Crossfit my jump roping skills are slowly improving. And I'm mean slowly! I still remember working out with Rhoda and she would just blow through the jump ropes. Well the same dang thing happened at CCC, except I had like 5 or 6 ladies jumping rope like crazy around me. Im telling you mine are horrible.~ July 2012


Well, the paragraph above is a blog topic I started and never finished in July. Now I am glad I waited to finish this particular post.  Glad for one awesome reason.....  I can jump rope! Finally after practicing and working so hard to just do singles. Singles have become much easier for me. Thank goodness.

This morning our WOD consisted of jumping rope. Before we started our WOD we practiced double unders. If you have watched me, you know my jump ropes are NOT pretty! So, this morning as we practiced our double unders, Stephanie standing by watching I not only jumped rope much much better but I got my 1st double under!!!! Oh my goodness how awesome that felt when Stephanie told me I did one! Granted, that's the only darn one I could get. But at least it's a start!

I have learned that not giving up and practicing will get you to " that place" or " that point" in your life, your work out, and your heart and mind. Just gotta stay focused on YOUR goals and WORK to achieve them!

C is for crazy... No silly for Crossfit

We all find something we love to do, a hobby, a passion. That something carries a different name for each person. Some even call it an obsession. Whatever you want to call you dream, passion, hobby, then call it that! Live it, breathe it, sleep it, eat it! Right? Well, for some... That want to be the best! For those who don't settle for less. I remember after having Stephen I kept a lot of the weight I gained. My size was a 14 and on Me that wasn't the prettiest! I went for a year never trying to get the weight off. I settled. I tried to justify it by saying oh I have had a baby. Yea, what a lame excuse! I lost down to a 10 during the divorce, which wasn't healthy either! March of 2011, the opportunity was given for me to be able to go to the gym. We started and I saw changes. But it wasnt until August 2011 when I started Crossfit. Now, for those of you that are familiar with Crossift, I did not go to a box ( a Crossfit gym)at first. I was going on my lunch break to a local gym and working with what they had to Crossift the best way possible. I fell in love with Crossfit. I would you tube how to do things and we loaded up one weekend and drove to watch a competition. I wanted more of it but how? Well... June 2012 my wonderful lunchtime trainer and friend Stephanie opened Circle City Crossfit with a few others. Since then things for me have changed. I am up at 4 AM four to five days a week headed to the box for a WOD. Eating habits are changing ( those seem to be the toughest). I stay sore just about all the time. When I finally feel like my body has managed to feel normal again I am sore again. Which sore is a good feeling! No pain no gain! Oh, and yes I can finally start to see some abs! Yay!!! Oh, thats crazy! Well that's not the craziest! The craziest thing is our warm up is your normal routine workout! The craziest is ripping your hands on the pull up bar but jumping back up to try again. The craziest is lifting weight that you " normally" wouldn't even dare attempt to lift. I had all the reason in the world to walk away my first week at Circle City. I couldn't jump rope and still can't. That is my absolute weakest point of my physical capabilities. Well, besides the fact i cant swim. That's ok.. Laugh all you want... One day I will better than just jump roping... I will be doing double unders maybe even triple unders! And, be able to swim. Ha.. But you know what stands out more than who finished first or who maxed out at the heaviest weight... The encouragement, the cheers, the don't give ups. This isn't just in our Crossift Box this is Crossfit! Watch the Crossfit games on you tube... Those fittest on Earth athletes finished and instead of walking away found someone and pushed them, cheered them, encouraged them to finish the WOD! Never quit, never give up! I never finish first in our WODs. Does that make me mad? Nope! Because I know that I am putting my best foot forward. Like, a week or so ago... I had to finish a WOD by running 200 or 400 meters. I can't remember but what I do remember is sweet Nancy who had finished her WOD ran with me, pushed me, encouraged me all the way through the run and back to the finish line. She isn't the only one in the box that is such a great cheerleader but everyone cheers on everyone. I see changes in not only myself but everyone I work out with. As Steph would say " that's just the beauty of it!" So yea, call me crazy at the fact I Crossfit...

Just an ole work shirt

Growing up as a child most of us would get flowers, balloons, candy or teddy bears from our parents, secret admirers, boyfriends/girlfriends, or from grandparents on this day of "Love". We would love it. I remember some of the guys in school would get things from their mom and would be so embarrassed. But now as we are older things change.

Tonight I received one of the greatest Valentine's Day gifts I have ever received. An unexpected gift at that!

After my lovely dinner date with Lee, I went to my parents house to pick up Stephen. When I arrived I was looking at all of his stuff from daycare and noticed something else on the table. It was 2 aprons. A little one for Stephen and one for me. Stephen's was made of mostly Thomas the Train material with a navy blue pocket. Mine was made out of mostly the navy blue material trimmed in the Thomas the Train material. Too stinkin cute. When I asked mom where they came from she told me there was a story about the aprons.

The story...

A while back my grandma's sweet neighbor, Ms. Brenda, asked grandma if she had any of my pawpaw's shirts still. Grandma has gotten rid of most of his clothes. But she found an old blue work shirt of his that he always wore with his overalls. Ms. Brenda told her she wanted to make me something. So thus the aprons were born. My apron is made mostly of pawpaw's navy blue work shirt with a Thomas the Train pocket and trim. My apron has the buttons from the work shirt to make additional pockets on the apron. Stephen's little apron is made mostly of Thomas the Train material with pawpaw's navy blue shirt pocket piece as his pocket on Stephen's apron.

As mom told me the story I couldn't but to tear up. The meaning of those aprons would last a lifetime. I always remember my pawpaw wearing his overalls and those navy blue shirts under them.

So this Valentine's Day I am so thankful for a gift that I can remember my pawpaw!

Flowers, candy, teddy bears and balloons are all nice but they all fade away at some point. My memories of my pawpaw never will.

Sometimes we get to materialized in life. We want stuff instead of making memories. I am so thankful that Ms. Brenda thought of me and made such an amazing gift for me. Yes she made it out of material but the memories she attached are many smiles from the heart.

So as this "Love Day" ends, remember the ones you love the most. Whether they are here or have already been laid to rest, thank the good Lord above for the lessons of love that those people instilled in you.

" Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

We can learn a lot from love if we just open our heart. I have a lot of learning to do that's for sure. I don't think you ever completely learn.

Valentine's Day 2012 has been a bittersweet day. Thank you Ms. Brenda for making memories into something even more memorable.

" And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1Corinthians 13:13

Gonna sit back and admire just an ole work shirt!

Let's just be Honest!!

I remember the days back when you didn't have to question if someone was being honest or not. Everyone just knew that honesty was the best. But I also remember the days when I wasn't honest either. But now this subject weighs heavy on my heart.

Why is it these days everyone has to be so sneaky and tip toe around the truth. Just say the truth and save a lot of heartache at the same time. Some people think that being an honest person doesn't pertain to them. That they can treat people ever how they want. They think that their feelings are the only ones that matter. Why is it so hard for a person to be honest?

I remember telling lies growing up I thought I would save myself some heartache and spanking but all I did was make things worse. Just because we grow up doesn't mean that that changes. Lying still gets you in more trouble/ makes things worse. I remember thinking its just a little lie. But now that I am grown and have experienced the feeling of being lied too it's not just a little thing. Lying is lying and it doesn't change from one person to the next.

I would like to say I find it funny that people think they can get away with lying. But actually I find it rather heartbreaking. Lying ruins friendships, relationships, families, jobs and many other things in life.

So I ask why do some people feel compelled to lie? It sure isn't cool or awesome of you. It actually causes people to pull away from you, not trust you. So if someone tells you they don't trust you because you have lied in the past DO NOT get mad at anyone but YOURSELF!!!! You put yourself in that situation. So dig yourself out. PROVE YOURSELF to be a better and different person!

Does pride play a factor in this too? Are some people to afraid to drop their pride and be the real person on the inside? More than likely in some cases. I speak from experience. I use to be that way. But I learned letting me out and dropping the pride is so much better. Granted when I did that I lost friends and people I thought cared. Guess that is a good way to find out who really has your back. I was left with a select few. I wouldn't trade them for the world. So maybe you should drop your pride to learn how to feel good and live life to the best.

We get so caught up in what the world thinks of us that we lose our selves in the mix. We feel we have to put on a show. We have to make people think one thing instead of another. You know we can be ourselves and still live life to the fullest. You may miss out on something but it was things you probably needed to miss out on. The world doesn't care it just puts on a front just as you do!

I have realized most people lie to the ones they love the most so they don't "hurt" them. Or someone lie well just because. So why can't we be honest with the ones we love. Instead we push them further and further away from ourselves. We should always be honest with the family, best friend, and spouse! No matter what!!

Family. Well they deserve the truth because they raised you and the majority of the time they raised you better than lying.

Best Friend. 99% of the time your best friend knows the truth anyways! Or they can tell if you are lying or not.

Spouse/ Better Half. You should always be honest if you want the relationship to survive. Keep that open line of communication. You have to learn it's not just you anymore! And you are no longer single. Someone else's feelings are invested in this. So just be honest. And yes if you are trying to earn trust back because of a lie then you will have to prove yourself to be a better person. So don't get mad.

I think some people get mad just because they got caught lying! Well they should be mad at their self!! They caused all of the problems.


So I ask, Why must someone feel compelled to lie? Not big lies but little ones that should be just an honest quick answer. Lying just causes more grief than the truth does. I would rather know the truth and be heartbroken by it than lied too and look like a fool. I have looked like a fool way to many times. But God has a way of cleaning up our lives. He is constantly cleaning up! He cleans out the people that don't have the same morals as we do. I feel we are given an opportunity to teach them but you can't change a person.  If you have ever lied to a person then you will more than likely find yourself trying to prove yourself again. You will be earning back respect and if not then it's because you just don't care. I hope you care!

Sorry this blog tonight is so crazy with multiple paragraphs. This is something that I have noticed is getting out of hand!

At the days end here is my prayer and wish... That you learn respect and learn to be truthful. It will save so many heartaches. There is enough heartache with you lying about something so small.

I think I am off my soap box now!! :) Good night all!

Trust your Feet

We do so many workouts now that it's hard to keep up with which is which. Yesterday it was the flithy fifty and today was something called chipper style I do believe. Today's workout consisted of 4 laps around the gym, 25 walking lunges, 25 push- ups, 25 kettle bell swings, 25 Burpees,and 100 jump ropes. I am horrible at jumping rope. I always have been so I was basically dreading but mentally preparing myself for jumping rope. I struggled do jump rope. I would do a few and then get tangled in the rope. I took a "water break" and when I came back it was like it just clicked. My upper and lower body finally got on the same page and I could jump rope. I flew through almost all of them in the end. I caught myself thinking about my feet, wanting to make sure they jump off the ground at the right time!

I find myself "learning" to trust my feet a lot in the gym. To stand just right on them for a certain workout to use them the right way in others. It clicked the other day and now I find myself repeating "trust your feet!" I find myself even telling Rhoda to trust her feet.

But we struggled at first to trust our own feet. We wobbled and shook trying to learn to trust. Now this is just our on 2 feet. Not trusting someone else with our life or anything. This is basic small things we shouldn't be worried about. But we do because it was something new and something different.

We all get this way in life too. How well we can learn from this. We all tend to have trust issues at some point in our lives. And for some it consumes them. Trust issues consumed me for a while. Now I have learned to trust my own feet and how to learn to trust others. Sometimes people do things that hurt and cause us to lose trust in them. Sometimes though we tend to forget that everyone is human and we ALL make mistakes. All this is easier said than done, this I do know. We have to learn to trust a person just as we learn in the gym to trust our feet.

Maybe we can learn a lesson from our feet. Think about your feet and the pounding they take all day everyday.... Sometimes we do the same to people. So when they crack and we lose trust it is up to us to forgive, and learn to trust again.

I trust my feet! They may get weak and let me down sometimes but I still trust them. People are the same way. Our friendship or relationship of any matter may get weak but no one is perfect.


I encourage you to learn to trust your feet more!

Holidays Are Gone and A New Year Is Here!!

So I guess most everyone "survived" Christmas and New Year's. We did. Christmas is always so busy for us. We always have so many places to go for Christmas. The greatest part of Christmas this year was seeing my child's face when he saw what Santa had brought him. Absolutely PRICELESS!

But now that the holidays are over and gone I realize we have all lost that "giddy" feeling. We have all slipped back into those mornings and days of "UGH!" We should still have a "giddy" feeling. We have a new year before us. So many people are starting on their list of resolutions. Me, well I didn't make the first resolution. Why make one if you know you are not gonna stick with it. Haha...

Instead of setting those same old resolutions of eating right, exercising, keeping the house up a little bit better, etc... why not dig deeper and work on the old heart that still continues to beat year after year. I mean you are here on this Earth for a reason right? So if you are still here then you still have a purpose! If you know your purpose then that's great. Don't quit, strive to do better!

Purpose. We all have a purpose. For years I mean years I wondered what MY purpose was. I wanted to help people. That's all I knew. Just help. I tossed ideas around about what to do when I graduated from high school. So many things I just didn't know what to do. Changed my major 3 times. Never accomplished anything. What was my purpose if I couldn't even make my mind up for a major? I wasn't searching deep enough. You have to do some soul-searching to find your purpose. So start searching.

Positive Influence. Be a positive influence on people. I can't stand people that constantly are looking for the worst and expecting the worst. They dread everyday and miss out on tons of happiness. They think your crazy when you smile and try to help. So don't be a negative influence. Don't drag others down. Lift them up!

It's up to you how to live your life. I just like to throw my 2 cents in. It doesn't matter if you want or think you need to change. We all need a little work. So start a new year off right. Do a little self maintenance before you try to fix someone else!!

Happy New Year!!

The countdown begins!

I bet you are counting down until Santa arrives and some are probably counting down until Christmas is just gone.

We are less than a week away from the GREATEST Day of man kind. We as Christians consider this one of the most important days in our religious life. This is the day that our Savior came to this Earth that he might save us. Now I know some of you who read this don't go to church or don't even care about that part of Christmas. But all in all I firmly believe that you and I both know the true meaning of Christmas.

We have lost sight of the real meaning of Christmas. I will be the first to tell you that I am overly excited about Stephen waking up Christmas morning to see what Santa has brought him. But we as Christians do not take enough time to read the story of Christmas. We hurriedly read it and move on to opening presents. Maybe this year with Christmas being on Sunday you will take time. We ( my family and I ) will be attending church early Christmas morning.

As Christmas approaches we find ourselves racing against time to finish our Christmas shopping. I finished my shopping last Friday night at about 11:30 PM. Then we find ourselves trying to find the best and quickest way to wrap these gifts and get them under our trees. I found myself up early Saturday morning working on the whole wrapping deal.

But the past couple of weeks I have myself a little more emotional than I normally would be for this time of year. Found myself angry last week at the fact people can be so ugly, so rude, so disrespectful. But I find myself in tears more than anything. Why? I will be glad to explain. TRUE LOVE! If you don't know true love then it's hard for you to understand I guess. As my family is being built back together I am realizing what true love is. It's the same as that true love God sent that night in Bethlehem. This year I will be able to celebrate Christmas as a family again. My sweet sweet child I do believe has realized what just might be taking place. God speaks in unusual ways sometimes, we just have to be listening with the right heart and mind.

I prayed tonight while in the middle of traffic in Dothan that the Good Lord above just get me home safe. I told momma that some people drive grocery carts like the drive their cars and that is totally creepy! The Lord got me home and just before all the rain and storm blew through. But while in Wal Mart this afternoon I realized something... That a genuine smile goes a long way. And our attitude says a lot also. It could have been easy for me to get frustrated with all the traffic, the rude people in Wal Mart, the crazy driving skills of others, the weather but why let that stuff rip my heart up over and over. I started smiling at people tonight in Wal Mart and it was truly amazing how many of them just gave me odd smiles back. They couldn't quite figure out what my "motive" was.

So as we continue to countdown to Christmas let us remember the real reason for the season, to make someone smile, to learn what True Love is, and to just ENJOY the Christmas Holidays!

It always happens.....

It always happens about this time every year. People get anxious, stressed and just plain mean around the holiday season. They loose that "giddy" feeling for the holidays. Everyone starts off around Thanksgiving as happy as can be. They are just so excited about the holiday season that has finally arrived. But now by mid- December everyone is scrooge and just ready for "it" to be over.

Jeeze people what seems to be the problem? We have a million reasons why we should still be as giddy now as we were right before Thanksgiving. Let me share some wonderful examples.... First of all, We as CHRISTIANS celebrate a history changing, history making birth! A birth that changed everything for us. Next, we get to spend precious time with family and friends, the ones we love. We get to watch our children's face light up Christmas Day to see what Santa had brought their way. The giggles, the whispers, the laughter, the smiles, the food, the pictures, the memories, the love, my list could go on and on as to why we should be so GIDDY right now.

But instead of finding ourselves giddy, we find ourselves stressed, short tempered, scrooge, just ready for "it" to be over with so we can get back to normal. Why? Are you stressed because of all the shopping that YOU waited last minute to do? Wow, really? Don't take that out on someone else... That is your own fault!!! Shopping for your loved ones should be fun anyways. I don't just go buy something and delegate it to go to a certain person, I buy to fit that persons personality. Things that have meaning. You may not have a lot of money and that's ok too. The year I was pregnant with Stephen we really couldn't afford to buy any Christmas gifts.... So I bought plain wooden picture frames for the soon to be grandparents and great grand parents. I asked a wonderful friend of mine to paint them for me with Stephen's name on them. That Christmas gift was one of the best I think they ever received. All of them loved them. So don't blame money,  you have a way around it. Don't let work get in the way of your holiday spirit... Just because you work with Scrooge doesn't mean you have to let him rub off on you. Show him/her what Christmas love is all about. Don't refer to Christmas as "it". Really, "it" has a name!! Make a point to tell people Merry Christmas. See the smile and that will help your smile.

So relax, enjoy the holiday season. Christmas will be here and gone before you know. Don't regret not doing something just because you had lost your "giddy" feeling.

Early Merry Christmas!!!

Hands that hold the world

We can't even come close to realizing what it is like to hold the whole world in our hands. We can't even imagine what it is like to hold 100 people in our hands. Our human mind won't and doesn't allow us to comprehend something so magnificent as such. But we find ourselves saying sometimes that the hands that does hold the world doesn't have time for our measly problems. Our small minds tend to lead us to believe that those hands only has time for the important stuff.

But what is and isn't important to someone is based on the person. What I might think is important and want those hands to hold and fix well you may think is a silly or even stupid request. It all solely depends on the person.

God never wants us to feel like our problems aren't big enough or important enough. Because in God's eyes we are all equally His and equally important to Him.

We all pray for the sick and those who we see that need help. Most of the people on your church prayer list are either sick or they are facing what we ALL consider a hardship. But have you ever seen someone on your prayer list and wondered why they were on there? I have. That name was my name. I was the person and I thought to myself , " Huh? Really? Why? I ain't sick and I ain't in a hardship." But someone did see the small things that I felt was important but not important to leave it with God.

We all have small important, not so important things that we tend to say a quick prayer of , " God, I know your busy but really quick let me say this...." Things that may not matter to another soul on the Earth are said and said quickly. But then we find ourselves saying that short quick prayer everyday or every night and no answer. God gives us 3 answers ( learned this years ago from a former pastor and have heard it repeatedly), He gives YES, NO, and WAIT.  But let me ask this, can God answer if we don't leave the burden there with him?

We make life harder than it has to be most of the time. Especially our prayer life. We tend to pray about a certain situation or person or whatever it may be but we don't leave it in God's hands for Him to take care of it. We leave it there while we pray but when we finish talking with God we pack it back up and keep a hold of it. We really do put more stress on ourselves than we should. God wants to help but He can't if we won't let go and won't let Him take control. I have heard people say, " Oh but I left it in God's hands." Well if you did then you wouldn't be so worried and you wouldn't be walking around with that on your mind and in your heart. Leaving a prayer with God is like leaving your sins and burdens at the altar. You have heard pastors say, " Leave your burdens here at the altar, let God take those burdens from you." We have all heard a pastor or two say that. But God can't take a burden if we won't let go. Just like He can't answer a prayer that we won't release to Him.

I learned a lot about praying from my Daddy. I have watched my daddy grow into the Godly man he is today. We all have a testimony but to hear my daddy talk about praying and the way he would pray just got to me. I remember I use to question how my daddy never worried over anything. He would always say and still has to remind me today that, " When you pray to God about it you got to leave it with Him." Daddy would always say to me that God is gonna take care of it you just got to let Him. I have learned to pray like my daddy. A prayer that is always left with God is one less worry on my heart.

We will never fully comprehend the hands that hold the world. But those hands can hold every prayer from everyone. A family's prayer for a life to be saved, a child's prayer for the lost dog to come home, your prayer for a healthy newborn, anothers prayer for the right soul mate, anothers for the sun to shine and even one's prayer for their favorite football team to win. You know it's amazing when you see a prayer answered. For an example, Lee's little sister Emily prayed for months that their dog Toby would come home. He had went missing and I guess most of us thought he was gone for good. But that honest sincere prayer she prayed every night for literally months was answered. I still remember Lee telling me that Toby was back. It was the craziest thing. But I remember Kim telling us that Emily prayed every night for Toby to come home. Oh what we can learn from a child.

The hands that hold the world can hold any prayer if we just let them. Letting go isn't easy but when we do prayers are answered. 

Family

Family. That word has weighed on my mind for days now. I found myself one night last week praying for God to help me with this word. So I don't really know where this blog is headed tonight.

My family means the world to me. If it wasn't for my family then I would not have made it through somethings as good as I did. If you ever want to know what unconditional love is turn around and look at your family. My family has loved me at my best and at my worst. That unconditional love held on to me when I didn't want to be held on too. That unconditional love looked me in the eyes and said "You are gonna be okay! WE are not going anywhere."

At some point in each of our lives we have taken our family for granted. As teenagers, we think that we know more than they do and that our family is out to just ground us for everything under the sun. We rebelled, we argued, and we ran from that unconditional love. We let someone else tell us that family wasn't important. That all we needed was our friends and so called friends. But when the truth came out and we thought we would be standing alone who was standing with us? Family.

God gave us a certain family because He knew that is who we needed to be with. He knew that that family would love and support us no matter what. Help us in time of need and cheer us on in our biggest race.

I use to think God blessed me with extremely strict parents. But you know hind sight is 20/20. I am thankful for those extremely strict parents. I thought I was a good child but when I look back, good Lord knows I was a handful.

I have my own little family now, that I am working putting the pieces back together. I have realized through this that family can beat all odds when they stick together.

Family. I will have another blog on this soon I hope. I feel like there is a little more to say. 

Forgive and Forget, Can you?

The unknown is so scary. Not knowing what will happen seems to consume us sometimes. We dwell on the past and worry about the future. I remember the days in my life when I was the biggest worry wart you ever met. But I remember also being that person that dwelled on the past too. I held on to things. I held grudges and couldn't let them go.My theory use to be, " If you hurt me in the past why do you deserve to be in the future?" That saying went for everything from boyfriends to friends to family even. I still remember the first time that I genuinely forgave someone. I remember forgiving and forgetting. I can honestly say that I forgot what I was forgiving them for. I have had that happen several times to me. So I took it as a life lesson. I thought I should learn from it.

It's extremely hard for me to comprehend how God can forgive and forget our sins! How amazing is that. We as humans can remember what someone done to us 20 or 30 years ago and still hold the grudge for it. We sure missed the boat on this big time. God forgives and he forgets. We forgive and almost never forget. For Him to forget is truly amazing. I mean I forget to take the trash to the road or to turn a light off but to forgive and forget the sin or the hurt/reason/incident is just breathe taking. That's where I find myself wanting to be more like God. I wanna be able to forgive and forget.

Forgiving and forgetting go hand in hand with second chances. I mean really think about it... How can someone have a second chance if we haven't forgiven them or if we hang it over their head because we haven't forgotten. Pride is a huge factor in this forgiving and forgetting issue too. Some of us have a hard time letting our pride fall. So if you are reading this and you are one who your pride is to important well you are probably getting all fired up at me right now. Ready to let me have it. Guess what loose the pride!!! Pride causes a lot of issues. Because of pride there are people that will not apologize for their actions. I personally know someone like this. I have never heard him apologize. And there have been plenty of times that he should have.

With Lee and I working on our relationship and piecing things back together we both have learned the whole pride and forgiving and forgetting thing. With out forgiving and forgetting we wouldn't be able to mend our relationship. The past is the past for a reason. Don't look back cause you can't change it. But look forward to making the future even better. We both have learned from mistakes and take those life lessons with us to help us in the future.

Many times people find themselves forgiving someone but still walking around hanging on to what that person did to them. Wow if I did that do you know I would have a broke back trying to carry around all the situations in my life like that. Who has time for that? I mean really come on folks. Who has a heart that wants to go through that. I sure don't.

 I probably have one of the most tender hearts ever. I use to cry about everything and everything use to get to me in a matter of seconds. I have toughened up some but still got the tenderness. When I realized that first time that I had really and truly forgave and forgotten, it made me glad and I didn't feel like I had to walk around with a burden on my heart. If you have ever felt this way you know it is a wonderful feeling.

The older I have gotten ( not that I am old by any means) the more moments I have had like that. Some of it I believe comes with growing up and maturing. Granted some people will never grow up and mature. But we can definitely pray for them. I still struggle with a few forgiving and forgetting situations now. Things that left some bad scares. I am working on myself to forgive and forget and I know in time it will happen because that's just how my God works.

We all can probably work on the forgiving and forgetting parts of our hearts. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes and we all want to be forgiven of those mistakes. So we should start by forgiving others and be an example so that when it comes time for someone to forgive you, they see your example and learn from it so that they are able to truly forgive you and forget the mistake.

If you struggle with pride maybe you should sit back and examine things. Just remember it's great to have pride in your job, in your family, and to take pride in yourself. BUT there is an line that shouldn't be crossed. A lot of crossed that line and think no wrong but that's when your pride because a problem.

Just I hope all of this makes sense. My heart has been jumping all around. So many things I want to share and write. I just have to get them out one thing at a time.

The work family

We all see our co-workers and boss as much if not more than our own families. That usually happens for me during the summer peak season at Sanders Beach Rentals. But do you consider them (co-workers and boss) a work family?

Some of you probably said "NO" faster than you could blink. I am sorry that you can't say that. Unfortunately, alot of people say no to this question. I use to say no back before this job with Sanders Beach Rentals. Now I can answer "YES" to this question. I do consider them family.

If you know me, I become attached to people very easily. I use to be shy too! Not so much anymore. I am one of the most honest up front people you will ever meet now. Please don't think I am rudely honest. I try my best not to be that way. But sometimes I have to be. I always wanted to be this way but use to worry about what people would say. But my "work family" helped me come out of my shell.

When I started working with Sanders Beach Rentals in March of 2010 I was a walking desaster. I was having a diffcult time expressing myself. Between the loss of my grandad, trying to be super mom, and going through a divorce my feeling and expressing myself just wasn't an option. Until... The 2 most important people in my "work family" started working on me. They actually seemed to care about the things going on in my life. I could be open with them and not have to worry about them judging me. Because that was the furtherest thing from their mind. I began to quickly realize that not only did I have a good job but good hearted people to work with and to work for. ( Those type people are hard to come by these days. Most are out to use you to climb to the top of the ladder.) Both Ms. Connie and Mr. Steve are happily married to the loves of their life. But when it came to me talking about my divorce they would be some of the most encouraging people in my life. They didn't understand why I was feeling the way I was some days but all they knew was how to show love and support to me. They knew patience too! There have been days when I would just be crying and sweet Connie would cry with me and just hug me. Days when I was mad hehe...she would be mad with me. Mr. Steve would give advice and encouragement that would make me realize something different everytime. Some people don't understand how things "operate" at Sanders Beach Rentals. Some people can't grasp the fact this is a family owned company and well we are all like family. They taught me its okay to have ideas and to get them out so others can hear. I have also learned it is great to show your ideas but if its not the right one for the situation thats okay too.

My "work family" is the best. I wouldn't trade them for the world. They have taught me much more than beach rentals, they have taught me how to be open and honest without being ugly, I have learned to be a better "cheerleader"/encourager, to be the absolute best I can be and be happy with myself, to be a better person, and the most important... to help others.

Mr. Steve is the most willing human I know to help someone else. Ms. Connie is right behind him with that too. Gosh, I learned from them quickly about helping others. They have helped me and I have watched them help others for almost 2 years now. Helping isn't always an extravagent thing but who said it had to be.

God has a funny way of working things out. I thank Him everyday for not only my job but my "work family" too. God blesses us with certain people in our life. He put them in our life for a reason. It may take a while for you to figure out why but when you do the amount of love and respect for those people will grow more and more. The devil places people too. So be aware of your surroundings. Weed through the good and bad. You may loose people you didn't expect too but then gain those you didn't expect either.

If you are struggling with your "work family" then I pray things get better. Some of you are in the corporate world where a "work family" isn't possible. I am truly sorry. I pray that God gives you strength and gives you courage. Courage to be the 1st generation that takes a stand. To work toward your "work family" coming together. Please don't take that as a statement to overthrow your boss!!! That's NOT what I mean. You know what I mean!!

If you feel like your in the wrong job then maybe you should start praying for God to lead you to the right one. I didn't think I would like my job and thought I would be a banker for the rest of my life. Boy was I wrong! I love my job and I will always be a part of the family at Sanders Beach Rentals.

Thanks Sanders Beach Rentals for the life lessons! :)