The countdown begins!

I bet you are counting down until Santa arrives and some are probably counting down until Christmas is just gone.

We are less than a week away from the GREATEST Day of man kind. We as Christians consider this one of the most important days in our religious life. This is the day that our Savior came to this Earth that he might save us. Now I know some of you who read this don't go to church or don't even care about that part of Christmas. But all in all I firmly believe that you and I both know the true meaning of Christmas.

We have lost sight of the real meaning of Christmas. I will be the first to tell you that I am overly excited about Stephen waking up Christmas morning to see what Santa has brought him. But we as Christians do not take enough time to read the story of Christmas. We hurriedly read it and move on to opening presents. Maybe this year with Christmas being on Sunday you will take time. We ( my family and I ) will be attending church early Christmas morning.

As Christmas approaches we find ourselves racing against time to finish our Christmas shopping. I finished my shopping last Friday night at about 11:30 PM. Then we find ourselves trying to find the best and quickest way to wrap these gifts and get them under our trees. I found myself up early Saturday morning working on the whole wrapping deal.

But the past couple of weeks I have myself a little more emotional than I normally would be for this time of year. Found myself angry last week at the fact people can be so ugly, so rude, so disrespectful. But I find myself in tears more than anything. Why? I will be glad to explain. TRUE LOVE! If you don't know true love then it's hard for you to understand I guess. As my family is being built back together I am realizing what true love is. It's the same as that true love God sent that night in Bethlehem. This year I will be able to celebrate Christmas as a family again. My sweet sweet child I do believe has realized what just might be taking place. God speaks in unusual ways sometimes, we just have to be listening with the right heart and mind.

I prayed tonight while in the middle of traffic in Dothan that the Good Lord above just get me home safe. I told momma that some people drive grocery carts like the drive their cars and that is totally creepy! The Lord got me home and just before all the rain and storm blew through. But while in Wal Mart this afternoon I realized something... That a genuine smile goes a long way. And our attitude says a lot also. It could have been easy for me to get frustrated with all the traffic, the rude people in Wal Mart, the crazy driving skills of others, the weather but why let that stuff rip my heart up over and over. I started smiling at people tonight in Wal Mart and it was truly amazing how many of them just gave me odd smiles back. They couldn't quite figure out what my "motive" was.

So as we continue to countdown to Christmas let us remember the real reason for the season, to make someone smile, to learn what True Love is, and to just ENJOY the Christmas Holidays!

It always happens.....

It always happens about this time every year. People get anxious, stressed and just plain mean around the holiday season. They loose that "giddy" feeling for the holidays. Everyone starts off around Thanksgiving as happy as can be. They are just so excited about the holiday season that has finally arrived. But now by mid- December everyone is scrooge and just ready for "it" to be over.

Jeeze people what seems to be the problem? We have a million reasons why we should still be as giddy now as we were right before Thanksgiving. Let me share some wonderful examples.... First of all, We as CHRISTIANS celebrate a history changing, history making birth! A birth that changed everything for us. Next, we get to spend precious time with family and friends, the ones we love. We get to watch our children's face light up Christmas Day to see what Santa had brought their way. The giggles, the whispers, the laughter, the smiles, the food, the pictures, the memories, the love, my list could go on and on as to why we should be so GIDDY right now.

But instead of finding ourselves giddy, we find ourselves stressed, short tempered, scrooge, just ready for "it" to be over with so we can get back to normal. Why? Are you stressed because of all the shopping that YOU waited last minute to do? Wow, really? Don't take that out on someone else... That is your own fault!!! Shopping for your loved ones should be fun anyways. I don't just go buy something and delegate it to go to a certain person, I buy to fit that persons personality. Things that have meaning. You may not have a lot of money and that's ok too. The year I was pregnant with Stephen we really couldn't afford to buy any Christmas gifts.... So I bought plain wooden picture frames for the soon to be grandparents and great grand parents. I asked a wonderful friend of mine to paint them for me with Stephen's name on them. That Christmas gift was one of the best I think they ever received. All of them loved them. So don't blame money,  you have a way around it. Don't let work get in the way of your holiday spirit... Just because you work with Scrooge doesn't mean you have to let him rub off on you. Show him/her what Christmas love is all about. Don't refer to Christmas as "it". Really, "it" has a name!! Make a point to tell people Merry Christmas. See the smile and that will help your smile.

So relax, enjoy the holiday season. Christmas will be here and gone before you know. Don't regret not doing something just because you had lost your "giddy" feeling.

Early Merry Christmas!!!

Hands that hold the world

We can't even come close to realizing what it is like to hold the whole world in our hands. We can't even imagine what it is like to hold 100 people in our hands. Our human mind won't and doesn't allow us to comprehend something so magnificent as such. But we find ourselves saying sometimes that the hands that does hold the world doesn't have time for our measly problems. Our small minds tend to lead us to believe that those hands only has time for the important stuff.

But what is and isn't important to someone is based on the person. What I might think is important and want those hands to hold and fix well you may think is a silly or even stupid request. It all solely depends on the person.

God never wants us to feel like our problems aren't big enough or important enough. Because in God's eyes we are all equally His and equally important to Him.

We all pray for the sick and those who we see that need help. Most of the people on your church prayer list are either sick or they are facing what we ALL consider a hardship. But have you ever seen someone on your prayer list and wondered why they were on there? I have. That name was my name. I was the person and I thought to myself , " Huh? Really? Why? I ain't sick and I ain't in a hardship." But someone did see the small things that I felt was important but not important to leave it with God.

We all have small important, not so important things that we tend to say a quick prayer of , " God, I know your busy but really quick let me say this...." Things that may not matter to another soul on the Earth are said and said quickly. But then we find ourselves saying that short quick prayer everyday or every night and no answer. God gives us 3 answers ( learned this years ago from a former pastor and have heard it repeatedly), He gives YES, NO, and WAIT.  But let me ask this, can God answer if we don't leave the burden there with him?

We make life harder than it has to be most of the time. Especially our prayer life. We tend to pray about a certain situation or person or whatever it may be but we don't leave it in God's hands for Him to take care of it. We leave it there while we pray but when we finish talking with God we pack it back up and keep a hold of it. We really do put more stress on ourselves than we should. God wants to help but He can't if we won't let go and won't let Him take control. I have heard people say, " Oh but I left it in God's hands." Well if you did then you wouldn't be so worried and you wouldn't be walking around with that on your mind and in your heart. Leaving a prayer with God is like leaving your sins and burdens at the altar. You have heard pastors say, " Leave your burdens here at the altar, let God take those burdens from you." We have all heard a pastor or two say that. But God can't take a burden if we won't let go. Just like He can't answer a prayer that we won't release to Him.

I learned a lot about praying from my Daddy. I have watched my daddy grow into the Godly man he is today. We all have a testimony but to hear my daddy talk about praying and the way he would pray just got to me. I remember I use to question how my daddy never worried over anything. He would always say and still has to remind me today that, " When you pray to God about it you got to leave it with Him." Daddy would always say to me that God is gonna take care of it you just got to let Him. I have learned to pray like my daddy. A prayer that is always left with God is one less worry on my heart.

We will never fully comprehend the hands that hold the world. But those hands can hold every prayer from everyone. A family's prayer for a life to be saved, a child's prayer for the lost dog to come home, your prayer for a healthy newborn, anothers prayer for the right soul mate, anothers for the sun to shine and even one's prayer for their favorite football team to win. You know it's amazing when you see a prayer answered. For an example, Lee's little sister Emily prayed for months that their dog Toby would come home. He had went missing and I guess most of us thought he was gone for good. But that honest sincere prayer she prayed every night for literally months was answered. I still remember Lee telling me that Toby was back. It was the craziest thing. But I remember Kim telling us that Emily prayed every night for Toby to come home. Oh what we can learn from a child.

The hands that hold the world can hold any prayer if we just let them. Letting go isn't easy but when we do prayers are answered. 

Family

Family. That word has weighed on my mind for days now. I found myself one night last week praying for God to help me with this word. So I don't really know where this blog is headed tonight.

My family means the world to me. If it wasn't for my family then I would not have made it through somethings as good as I did. If you ever want to know what unconditional love is turn around and look at your family. My family has loved me at my best and at my worst. That unconditional love held on to me when I didn't want to be held on too. That unconditional love looked me in the eyes and said "You are gonna be okay! WE are not going anywhere."

At some point in each of our lives we have taken our family for granted. As teenagers, we think that we know more than they do and that our family is out to just ground us for everything under the sun. We rebelled, we argued, and we ran from that unconditional love. We let someone else tell us that family wasn't important. That all we needed was our friends and so called friends. But when the truth came out and we thought we would be standing alone who was standing with us? Family.

God gave us a certain family because He knew that is who we needed to be with. He knew that that family would love and support us no matter what. Help us in time of need and cheer us on in our biggest race.

I use to think God blessed me with extremely strict parents. But you know hind sight is 20/20. I am thankful for those extremely strict parents. I thought I was a good child but when I look back, good Lord knows I was a handful.

I have my own little family now, that I am working putting the pieces back together. I have realized through this that family can beat all odds when they stick together.

Family. I will have another blog on this soon I hope. I feel like there is a little more to say. 

Forgive and Forget, Can you?

The unknown is so scary. Not knowing what will happen seems to consume us sometimes. We dwell on the past and worry about the future. I remember the days in my life when I was the biggest worry wart you ever met. But I remember also being that person that dwelled on the past too. I held on to things. I held grudges and couldn't let them go.My theory use to be, " If you hurt me in the past why do you deserve to be in the future?" That saying went for everything from boyfriends to friends to family even. I still remember the first time that I genuinely forgave someone. I remember forgiving and forgetting. I can honestly say that I forgot what I was forgiving them for. I have had that happen several times to me. So I took it as a life lesson. I thought I should learn from it.

It's extremely hard for me to comprehend how God can forgive and forget our sins! How amazing is that. We as humans can remember what someone done to us 20 or 30 years ago and still hold the grudge for it. We sure missed the boat on this big time. God forgives and he forgets. We forgive and almost never forget. For Him to forget is truly amazing. I mean I forget to take the trash to the road or to turn a light off but to forgive and forget the sin or the hurt/reason/incident is just breathe taking. That's where I find myself wanting to be more like God. I wanna be able to forgive and forget.

Forgiving and forgetting go hand in hand with second chances. I mean really think about it... How can someone have a second chance if we haven't forgiven them or if we hang it over their head because we haven't forgotten. Pride is a huge factor in this forgiving and forgetting issue too. Some of us have a hard time letting our pride fall. So if you are reading this and you are one who your pride is to important well you are probably getting all fired up at me right now. Ready to let me have it. Guess what loose the pride!!! Pride causes a lot of issues. Because of pride there are people that will not apologize for their actions. I personally know someone like this. I have never heard him apologize. And there have been plenty of times that he should have.

With Lee and I working on our relationship and piecing things back together we both have learned the whole pride and forgiving and forgetting thing. With out forgiving and forgetting we wouldn't be able to mend our relationship. The past is the past for a reason. Don't look back cause you can't change it. But look forward to making the future even better. We both have learned from mistakes and take those life lessons with us to help us in the future.

Many times people find themselves forgiving someone but still walking around hanging on to what that person did to them. Wow if I did that do you know I would have a broke back trying to carry around all the situations in my life like that. Who has time for that? I mean really come on folks. Who has a heart that wants to go through that. I sure don't.

 I probably have one of the most tender hearts ever. I use to cry about everything and everything use to get to me in a matter of seconds. I have toughened up some but still got the tenderness. When I realized that first time that I had really and truly forgave and forgotten, it made me glad and I didn't feel like I had to walk around with a burden on my heart. If you have ever felt this way you know it is a wonderful feeling.

The older I have gotten ( not that I am old by any means) the more moments I have had like that. Some of it I believe comes with growing up and maturing. Granted some people will never grow up and mature. But we can definitely pray for them. I still struggle with a few forgiving and forgetting situations now. Things that left some bad scares. I am working on myself to forgive and forget and I know in time it will happen because that's just how my God works.

We all can probably work on the forgiving and forgetting parts of our hearts. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes and we all want to be forgiven of those mistakes. So we should start by forgiving others and be an example so that when it comes time for someone to forgive you, they see your example and learn from it so that they are able to truly forgive you and forget the mistake.

If you struggle with pride maybe you should sit back and examine things. Just remember it's great to have pride in your job, in your family, and to take pride in yourself. BUT there is an line that shouldn't be crossed. A lot of crossed that line and think no wrong but that's when your pride because a problem.

Just I hope all of this makes sense. My heart has been jumping all around. So many things I want to share and write. I just have to get them out one thing at a time.

The work family

We all see our co-workers and boss as much if not more than our own families. That usually happens for me during the summer peak season at Sanders Beach Rentals. But do you consider them (co-workers and boss) a work family?

Some of you probably said "NO" faster than you could blink. I am sorry that you can't say that. Unfortunately, alot of people say no to this question. I use to say no back before this job with Sanders Beach Rentals. Now I can answer "YES" to this question. I do consider them family.

If you know me, I become attached to people very easily. I use to be shy too! Not so much anymore. I am one of the most honest up front people you will ever meet now. Please don't think I am rudely honest. I try my best not to be that way. But sometimes I have to be. I always wanted to be this way but use to worry about what people would say. But my "work family" helped me come out of my shell.

When I started working with Sanders Beach Rentals in March of 2010 I was a walking desaster. I was having a diffcult time expressing myself. Between the loss of my grandad, trying to be super mom, and going through a divorce my feeling and expressing myself just wasn't an option. Until... The 2 most important people in my "work family" started working on me. They actually seemed to care about the things going on in my life. I could be open with them and not have to worry about them judging me. Because that was the furtherest thing from their mind. I began to quickly realize that not only did I have a good job but good hearted people to work with and to work for. ( Those type people are hard to come by these days. Most are out to use you to climb to the top of the ladder.) Both Ms. Connie and Mr. Steve are happily married to the loves of their life. But when it came to me talking about my divorce they would be some of the most encouraging people in my life. They didn't understand why I was feeling the way I was some days but all they knew was how to show love and support to me. They knew patience too! There have been days when I would just be crying and sweet Connie would cry with me and just hug me. Days when I was mad hehe...she would be mad with me. Mr. Steve would give advice and encouragement that would make me realize something different everytime. Some people don't understand how things "operate" at Sanders Beach Rentals. Some people can't grasp the fact this is a family owned company and well we are all like family. They taught me its okay to have ideas and to get them out so others can hear. I have also learned it is great to show your ideas but if its not the right one for the situation thats okay too.

My "work family" is the best. I wouldn't trade them for the world. They have taught me much more than beach rentals, they have taught me how to be open and honest without being ugly, I have learned to be a better "cheerleader"/encourager, to be the absolute best I can be and be happy with myself, to be a better person, and the most important... to help others.

Mr. Steve is the most willing human I know to help someone else. Ms. Connie is right behind him with that too. Gosh, I learned from them quickly about helping others. They have helped me and I have watched them help others for almost 2 years now. Helping isn't always an extravagent thing but who said it had to be.

God has a funny way of working things out. I thank Him everyday for not only my job but my "work family" too. God blesses us with certain people in our life. He put them in our life for a reason. It may take a while for you to figure out why but when you do the amount of love and respect for those people will grow more and more. The devil places people too. So be aware of your surroundings. Weed through the good and bad. You may loose people you didn't expect too but then gain those you didn't expect either.

If you are struggling with your "work family" then I pray things get better. Some of you are in the corporate world where a "work family" isn't possible. I am truly sorry. I pray that God gives you strength and gives you courage. Courage to be the 1st generation that takes a stand. To work toward your "work family" coming together. Please don't take that as a statement to overthrow your boss!!! That's NOT what I mean. You know what I mean!!

If you feel like your in the wrong job then maybe you should start praying for God to lead you to the right one. I didn't think I would like my job and thought I would be a banker for the rest of my life. Boy was I wrong! I love my job and I will always be a part of the family at Sanders Beach Rentals.

Thanks Sanders Beach Rentals for the life lessons! :)

12 years later...

We all face situations that affect us, impact us, or change us. These situations are not always the happiest situations that turn our life around. Sometimes the worst situations get our attention the most.

12 years ago on November 17th the worst situation I have ever had to face happened. Nanny's ( my dad's mother) birthday is November 17th. She would have been 78 this year. Hard to believe that it is been 12 years since the accident.

November 17, 1999- I was a freshman in high school sitting in my biology class. I remember a lot of students were being called to the office about something they had done. I don't remember what but I remember thinking "I don't have anything to do with what is going on but boy do I wish I would be called out of class." I was so bored that morning. It was a Wednesday morning. Then I heard the office buzz in to the class I was in and ask my teacher to send me to the office. Immediately my heart fell, why was I being called up to the office? What had I done?

When I got to the office, Mrs. Crawford the school secretary told me to go back to my class get my belongs and that my parents, both of them, were on their way to get me. I knew immediately something was very wrong. I thought to myself and even said something to a friend when I got back in class and gathering my things, " It must be my great- grandmother. She hasn't been doing well." I remember as I turned the corner my parents came through those double doors with fear and panic written all over their face.

Nanny had been in a wreck and things were bad, really bad. At that moment, I remember crying and the whole world seem to stop. I remember the bell had rang for recess and people trying to talk but we literally were running to the car.

I remember moma dropped daddy and me off at the ER and we were quickly met by a male nurse telling us she was in emergency surgery due to head injury. We were given a bag with all her belongs to hang on too.

She had ran a stop sign that morning around 7 or so. A Jeep running 55 to 60 MPH hit her on her side of the car. Her head hitting the review mirror or the steering wheel.

I remember when Donna, my cousin, she is like my daddy's sister though , arrived. We all waited to hear what the doctor would say after surgery. We were so anxious to see Nanny. Please remember is was 14 years old approaching my 15th birthday less than two weeks from that day.

I remember us sitting at this round table. Mom, dad, Donna, me and the doctor. He was talking all jibberish until he said, "If it would have been my mother, I would not have done the surgery." Say WHAT?? Doc have you lost your mind?? Really? I remember getting so angry with him. He basically sat there and said he would just let her die. Due to the situation, after the surgery she was on life support for 72 hours, that was required before any decisions could be made about the next step.

We talked about a nursing home, which I had my hopes up that she would bounce back because if you knew Sybil nothing ever got her down. :) Full of Life!!!

I went to school the next two days. On Friday when I got to the hospital, Daddy took me to a little waiting room away from the ICU waiting room where everyone else was. We talked about the fact that she had always been so full of life and now she had no brain activity at all. She was in a complete veggiative state. Daddy asked if I had remembered her one request if something ever happened to her. And I sadly replied Yes, she never wanted to be on life support or hooked up to any machines. She didn't want to be that way she would rather just go on to be with the Lord.

With that being said, the doctor said that  we had to make a decision. And as much as I can remember the doctor wouldn't take just daddy's decision but it had to be mine. Something about the closest relatives, since daddy was an only child. ( I think that's right). I just know we had to agree or the doctor wouldn't do anything.

For a 14 year old, your hardest decision should be what to wear to school for pictures, not to remove your grandmother from life support. Deep down I knew what she had always said. I even joked that she might haunt us if we didn't do what she wanted. But all joking aside, i fell to pieces knowing that I was gonna lose one of the closest people to me. I had spent every afternoon with her for years and had spent the night with her every other weekend for almost my whole life. And we had taken multiple road trips together. I still regret not taking the last she wanted though. I should have went but how was I to know what was ahead.

The next day was the day that the life support would be turned off. The staff and doctors at Flowers Hospital were awesome. Usually if you have someone in ICU you can only visit at certain times. Knowing the situation all nurses and doctors allowed us in freely and for as long as we wanted to stay. I went in and out but never could stay long. Because I wanted so bad for her to wake up and stick her tongue out at us and laugh. But I knew that wasn't going to happen. Daddy stayed by her side most of the day. Family and friends gathered for support.

I remember Adam, Austin and myself wouldn't hardly go in the unit. We stayed close to each other in the waiting room. The time had come and we were standing in the hall when my daddy and a crowd of family and friends came out. The look on his face said it all. I recall I didn't fall to pieces, I couldn't at that point I had to be strong for my daddy. My daddy needed me.

We were all given a last chance to go see her at the hospital. I remember Adam, Austin and Donna ( I think), and I went in one last time. Telling her we love her and would miss her like crazy, one random heart beat came across the vital sign screen. Medically they will tell you that was just her nervous system. But I like to say she heard us.

No doubt in my mind that she is in a better place. Probably showing the Lord how to make a chocolate cake and some homemade jelly! :)

I remember going back to school and having an awesome group of friends show their love and support. It wasn't easy, espeically when this one guy stopped me in the hallway at school and said, " you killed her, you know that right?"  I fell to pieces. I owe Rachel Lee and Hannah Dykes Durant the world. The love and support the showed me was the only thing that helped at school.

12 years later it still seems like yesterday. But 12 years later I have conquered the depression that I fell into for 2 1/2 years and have learned so much and realized so much.

I consider it to be a horrible blessing. I learned during that time that family is the most important. I am truly blessed to say that she was my grandmother. And I am truly blessed with a wonderful family. I often find myself wondering what she would say about certain things going on in my life or what she would think about Stephen.

I have in the past 12 years known people having to make the decision dad and I did. And my heart breaks for them because I know the pain they feel. Death is never easy to deal with but just in the past 4 years have I been able to attend a funeral.

So after this sad blog I have written, I want to wish Nanny a very speical birthday! I miss you and love you! I will see you again one day! 12 years later I can smile and think of all the good times we had. The funny stories and things we use to do. 12 years later I smile and Thank God for the bad situation that affected me, impacted me, and changed me.

She is the one who taught me how to live life and have fun. So this week as Thanksgiving approaches I will Thank God for the time I got to spend with her and for the little life lessons she taught me when I didn't even realize it.

Turkey, Dressing and the Blessing

Seems just like a few weeks ago we were celebrating Thanksgiving and Christmas. But it is hard to believe that it has been a year. Someone made the statement about how crazy my calendar looks. Ha... I can't help it, it always looks that crazy around the holidays.

We are just over a week away from Thanksgiving. I couldn't be more excited this year. My festivities start this Friday by making the annual trip to the airport to get my uncle who always comes home for Thanksgiving. It's funny how little things like a trip to the airport puts you in the holiday spirit. I will bake goodies for Thanksgiving. Which reminds me I need to make a trip to the grocery store.

The holidays are a time to spend with loved ones. To enjoy each others company, to reminisce, to catch up with each other. Most everyone has a tradition for Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's always hard if something happens and you can't follow tradition. Everything then seems weird. haha... But it all happens for a reason.

This year I have noticed on Facebook that some people are telling one thing they are thankful for everyday. I thought about doing that but I have alot of catching up to do. I definitely wouldn't run out of things to be thankful for though.

What we should realize this Thanksgiving is that we should thank God everyday for not only the big things but the little things. The bad things and the good things. The silly things and the serious things. For EVERYTHING!

People tend to forget to say the blessing before eating the turkey and the dressing. But take time to say a blessing of the food but to Thank God for everything. Thanking God will result in blessings to you from Him. 

So eat that turkey and dressing but don't forget the blessing. I pray God's blessing upon you will shine a light into someone else's heart.

Remember what you are thankful for this Thanksgiving and Give Thanks to God.

Happy Thanksgiving  to All! 

A Knock at my heart's door...

Really stepping out with faith on this blog. This is extremely the open heart of myself. Gotta get this out though...

To eat, breathe, and sleep it. Is it really worth it? Things tend to consume us and we don't even realize it. We realize when we are at our wits end and feel like falling apart. When the knock on our heart's door feels like a bang instead. So what do you do? I found myself crying out to God last night. Asking Him a million questions and just rambling to Him at times. Searching for answers, searching for what's next. Trying to do His job, trying to fix all in one night. Tears streamed my face while I asked why, streamed my face when I couldn't do anything else. Then all I could pray was for God to take complete control. Not partial, but 100% complete control. A total surrender to Him.

The weight is to heavy for us to carry a burden alone. Sometimes a burden seems twice as heavy when we think we can handle it on our own.

I sat here last asking questions and talking to God about things I should have done a long time ago. Searching for answers I should have been looking for a long time ago but I thought I could do it on my own.

Seems like I have thought that more than I should. I have let people and things get in the way of  living my life the way God wants me too. The past few months have made me grow tremendously but I still have a lot of growing to do. Look back at how many times I have let God down and I hang my head in shame. But I am not perfect by no means and thank goodness He knows that. Thank goodness I am forgiven.

Things consume us so fast. All sorts of things, they vary from person to person. Anything from drugs, alcohol, to worrying about the perfect person for you or if you made the right decision. I am tired of being consumed by things that God will work out into His plan in due time and on His time. Not my time. Someone told me today that they think I have buried feelings so that I just won't feel them. And whether I wanted to hear that or not... I knew deep down that they were right. God has a way of using people to get His point across to you.

I remember that close relationship I had with God a few years back and that desire to have it again burns inside of me. I am slowly moving along in the right direction, changing things has they come along. I am learning that I can't be "big and bad" all the time and I can't bury my feelings deep down inside.

God started knocking on my hears door a few days ago, but I didn't pay much attention. By Sunday morning on my way to church, He was about to beat my door down. Literally crying on the way to church I began to say, "Ok, Lord, what is it that you want that I just ain't getting?" God spoke through the message at church yesterday morning. And has spoken abundantly today through various people. It's funny how God works. But at least he works to our favor. I still am not sure of what God is trying to get me to see and show me but eventually He will reveal it. So for now I will work on not burying my feelings and work on get the ones I have buried out. Good days and bad days lie ahead, but it is all how you look at them.

Yesterday made me realize just how far I have came along but just how much more further I have to go. I will take it day by day. Knowing that God is working on you and trying to show you gives me pure goosebumps... To know He loves me enough to have me in His plan his awesome in itself.

God continues to knock on my heart's door and He will one day show me. Until then... He knows what He is doing I gotta let Him run the show.

Proud of where I come from....

For those of you that do not live local, the Wiregrass (Dothan area) lost a member of it's community on October 24, 2011 fighting a war overseas. I am not writing this blog to talk about whether you think it's right or wrong for the soldiers to be overseas. So don't comment if you think you want to voice your opinion. This blog post is about something much more serious than who is right and who is wrong.

Today I got in my car on my lunch break to run a few errands. My radio tuned in to a local station. The DJ said they would go commercial free and play songs in honor and in  memory of a fallen solider. One solider that was a local. From a little town outside of Dothan. He was only 22 years old. I do not know him or his family but my heart breaks for them. I have prayed continuously for them all day for today was a tough day. As I was driving, the DJ announced that this solider had finally made it home. And a procession was about to start. I had heard a couple of days ago about this fallen solider on the news. But never did I think that the community would do what it did to pay such awesome respect to this solider and his family.

The community lined along the highways that the family and the funeral home vehicles would travel from the airport to the funeral home. American flags flying, signs held high, silent prayers be raised as the procession passed by. I listened intently with tears streaming down my face. Song after song played each one making me realize something different from the song before it. Tears continued as I thought to myself this is where I come from!

I come from a community, a part of this Country that cares for those that they have never seen and some will never see. I am proud to say this is where I come.  Where respect is most important and others are just as important.

A friend of mine was standing along the highway and told me that the amount of people that turned out was just amazing. Photos show the support that the Wiregrass Community gave this fallen soldier's family today.

I am truly blessed to be able to say I am from the south and I am from a Wiregrass community!!! I wouldn't trade my small town life and ways for anything in this world. I am proud to say that this community that we (those of you reading that are locals) are apart of knows how to show the LOVE and make a someone feel the LOVE. Never did I imagine that many people would show. But once again, this small town living is awesome.

To the family and friends of this fallen soldier, my prayers are with you. I pray God wraps his lovely arms around you.  Thank You to this fallen soldier for fighting to keep us safe back home.

We tend to forget how important these soldiers are... We get to wrapped up in what's right or what's wrong. For once just pay your respect to someone that was "just doing his job!"  Besides if you were in their shoes wouldn't you want the same?

I am Proud of where I come from... South Alabama living is for me. Always has been and always will!

Leave your mark on this world.

Tonight I write with an overloaded mind of a million things racing through my head. I am so tired but can't settle down enough to sleep. But that's not a bad thing. I just have a million topics I could write about right this minute. bahaha.... So I guess I can just ramble tonight about whatever I want too.

Which I guess leads me to this topic.... Leave your mark on this world.

Leave your mark on this world so the world will know you were here. Leave your mark on this world so the world will know you gave second chances. Leave your mark on this world so the world will know you fought for what is right.

I want to leave a mark on this world so the world will remember me. Not of fame and fortune, but as a helper, as an encourager, as lover, as friend, as mother. I want to leave a mark on this world that shows I gave a second chance to someone who may never get another chance at making things right. I want to leave a mark on this world so the world will know I fought for what is right. My right and your right may not always be the same but together we can reach a common ground. I want to leave a mark on this world that says this is me and this is who I am.

To leave a mark on this world is as easy as 1,2,3. But what kind of mark you leave is the important part. Of course we can leave an ugly mark that you can bet will never go away. Or you can leave that mark that won't mean much in today's society but is history in the making. Find your mark. I found mine... Just to smile.

A smile will cure just about anything and everything. A smile heals hurts, is a picker upper, is a keep holding on to the faith, is don't give up, is a simple hello, is a I love you, is a peace sign, well my list could go on and on. I love to smile, even when things get tough a smile makes it better. A smile is something you can pass on and make a difference as it is passed along.

I want my mark to be something that even when I am long gone, my family will say she definitely left a mark on us, a lasting impression. We are glad she was a part of our family.

So find your mark and use it! Leave your mark on this world.

A Crossfit weekend of Encouragement

What a day! Definitely learned a lot and fueled my fire too! There's fitness and then there is Crossfit fitness. Crossfit is definitely a league of its own.

Been in Albany, GA this weekend watching a Crossfit competition. What a learning experience it has been. Not only do these athletes take fitness to another level but they take encouragement to another level. Not one person did the workouts today alone. Everyone had someone pushing, coaching, encouraging, uplifting them.

I very much in awe of this group that can accomplish these extreme workouts. After watching today I have a new level of respect for them. Some people call them crazy, I call it dedication. It takes dedication to do what these athletes do. Watching them today fueled my fire to be more dedicated to my workout, my fitness, and my health!

I have heard people refer to Crossfit as "cult" but in reality they are just one big family! :) I guess today taught me more about support and encouragement than anything else. Like I said earlier everyone had someone. What was so amazing and awesome to me was I looked up during one of the workouts and this girl was the last one left to finish the workout but she wasn't alone, she had a huge crowd surrounding her. Cheering her on, coaching her along, encouraging her, supporting her all the way to the end. That is more of a lesson to me than the proper way to dead lift or do a box jump. We could all learn something from this group!!

We all could and should  be more like them. We should do more encouraging and uplifting than what we really do! We don't do enough of it. You know that I am right in this case. No I am not talking just to those of you that workout!! I am talking to everyone! We can use this in every aspect of life.

Be an encourager!!

The Gym, The Kitchen, and Me!

Growing up I never was a big child. Everyone from family to my cheer coach always said I was muscular. I remember my cheer coach putting us in the weight room after school. She would say we gotta to do some weight lifting to stay in shape. But we never got to involved because there was always to many things to do in practice. I never had to worry about my weight. By the time I got to college I was the smallest I had ever been in my life! A size 2. Been a long time since I have seen that number for a size.

After I had Stephen in 2009, I was at my biggest for almost a year after. A size 14. YIKES!! For me and being as short as I am I looked like a roly poly! I lost weight the unhealthy way when I went through the divorce. From size 14 to 10. I thought at that point I could and would never be any smaller or that I couldn't do anything about it.

Now for those of you that are close to me, you know if you come to the house I will cook and always cook to much! Guess that's the southern way. ( Make sure there is enough for everyone). I remember thinking to myself one day that I can't cook and live healthy at the same time. Oh Boyee was I wrong!

I have been in the gym since March. Just in the past couple of weeks, I have started some of the Crossfit workouts. I am totally falling in love with the Crossfit. Today's workout was rough but I can smile because I know it is totally worth it. Exercising, working out, lifting, crossfit, whatever you want to call getting  in shape, it is waiting for you! You do not want to be unhealthy and unfit for some many reasons, Health reasons, social reason, personal reasons. I have a laundry list of reasons why I WANT to be in the best shape I can possible be in.

Loving to cook isn't a bad thing if you want to be in great shape. I have learned by cooking yourself, you have more control on what you eat than if you were to eat out. Eating healthy isn't cheap by any means. I am definitely learning to cook healthier for me AND for my son. I want him to lead a healthy life also. The only way he will learn is to watch now.

For me this has become a lifestyle. I live this every day. You have to make it part of your life. I have come to love this about my life. I know I am making a change for the better.

It breaks my heart to see people that think they can't do it. You can only do what you allow yourself to do. So push yourself and motivate yourself. Set goals. Little goals build into a big goal. It's just not a physical thing its a mental thing too.

We have way to many obese people in this world, in this country, in this state and even in this area. Some of these people believe that there is no hope for them. If you are one of them, well you are wrong. You got to make your mind up that you are ready to work for it though. Getting in shape isn't handed to you on a silver platter. We have got to get kids outside more instead of sitting on video games all the time. Get rid of all the junk.

I would rather see the news at night talk about how yearly checkups show blood pressure's are down and cholesterol is looking better.

I see the difference in my life, I want you to see a difference in yours!!!

Find your gym, your kitchen and yourself!!

Don't go to the gym just to say you went, go because you have a fire burning inside you that wants that change in your life!!

Took me long enough....

Piglet says to Pooh, " How do you spell love?" Pooh say to Piglet. " You don't spell it, You feel it!"

There is so much we can learn from Pooh and Piglet. Especially when it comes to friendship, yourself and love.

I made the comment this week to someone that growing up I was always dependent on my parents and then went straight into a marriage being dependent on him. Now I am independent.

That person smiled and agreed. They knew exactly what I was talking about. All my life I have been so dependent on someone else for my happiness. But I learned real quick about being dependent and independent when you are forced to be one or the other. I definitely didn't like being forced into being independent. I actually thought I couldn't be independent at this point in my life. But in the last year and a half I have definitely learned that I should have become independent a long time ago.

Becoming independent is almost like growing up in a sense. You realize that you don't need every ones opinion to decide on what you think is right. In the last year and a half I have had some of the toughest battles of my life. But I thank God above for those battles and the lessons learned from those battles. Little battles or big battles, they both have made me the person I am today. I remember I always use to ask my parents their opinion on everything. * Daddy if you read this please don't take this the wrong way!* Now I can make my own decision and know that I am happy with my decision because I MADE that decision. I remember when I would ask for my parents opinion and my ex husband's opinion and those would clash. Jeez that really made the situation hard for me at the time. Being so dependent and people's opinion clashing can throw a loop in the situation.  Glad those days are over!!!

Now I can say that I am independent even though learning to be independent wasn't easy. I am thankful that I am. I am a much stronger woman. I think it took me long enough to realize that I could still be independent. I found hope and pushed myself. I dug down deep to find the real me that I was always so scared to let people see. Ya know once you find the real you and let people see you things improve so much in your life. I have a million reasons to smile. I could think of a few reasons why I shouldn't smile. But why do that when smiling out weighs not smiling.

Being independent doesn't mean that I love being alone. God only knows that's not the case. But the time just isn't right. So until the time is right I will continue to be Miss Independent, Miss Happy, Miss Content, Miss I love my Life! I love my life for many reasons. As should you! We gotta learn to be thankful for what we got instead of wanting what we ain't got.

Took me long enough to be happy with myself. You gotta be happy with yourself before you can make someone else happy. You gotta be happy with yourself in order to spread the happiness. I have had this saying for the past year " I am just me."

Took me long enough to be able to say " I am just me" and be happy about saying that. So I am happy with myself and not putting my happiness in someone else. Sounds harsh I know but I guess you just have to see it from my point of view to understand. I don't need someone to make me happy, I am already happy.  One day, love will find its way to me, when the time is right. As for now I am happy with me and it took me long enough.

I won't spell love one day, I will feel love one day. Gotta love Pooh and Piglet.

Whatever happened...

The past couple of weeks I have really been thinking about that little phrase and how many people actually say that and the situations they are in. Here is where my thinking lead me...

Whatever happened to people following their heart? When you follow your heart on things it may not always be easy but at least when you lay your head down at night you know you are happy with the decision you made. People want the easy way out these days. They want things to just fall into their lap. That is not even real life! Real life is making real decisions and being happy with what you decide. Some people are so afraid to follow their heart because of what society may say about them. Who cares what they say as long as you are happy. Now certainly don't take what I am saying out of context and do something stupid and irrational. Use your brain!!! I think most people don't and won't follow their heart because they fear being hurt. I use to be the same way. But you don't know how to grow and become stronger if you don't go through some difficulties. You learn and move on.

Whatever happened to following your dreams? When you follow your dreams, you succeed in life. You accomplish what you have set out to do. You turn your dreams into reality. Some people say dreaming is for the birds well is catching yourself wondering and wanting to do something for the birds? Nope its the same thing as dreaming. Set your goals as a dream, work hard to achieve them and you will succeed. Oh no did I say work? Why yes I did. You have to work to accomplish goals. Goals do not achieve themselves.

Whatever happened to doing what you think is right and just being happy? This reflects back to following your heart and following your dreams.  But when you get in situation were the decision seems hard and the world bares down on you to make a certain decision you still have to do what you think is right and the best decision for you. Note: By making yourself happy you will more than likely upset someone else. It's ok, if they really care they will respect your decision no matter what the outcome is. I am definitely happy when I feel that I made the right decision for me or for me and my child. I have learned that not everyone will be happy by my decisions but we must be able to look at ourselves in the mirror everyday. I know I can and say Yes I am satisfied with my life, I am happy with my life and the decisions that got me here.

We all go through things that make us stronger. Somethings are completely out of our control but when that happens you make the best of it. I guarantee that if you look into the negative you can find something to be positive. You always have a reason to smile. Just have to look sometimes for the reason.

Gotta be happy with yourself! Can't make someone else happy if your not happy!

"Life is like a box of chocolates..."

Sometimes we all need to have a little bit of Forest Gump in ourselves to really see the beauty in things.

I spent the weekend down on 30A. Must say the weather was wonderful and the water was crystal clear. I invited my friends Ericka and Matt to come along for the weekend trip. Which if any of you know Matt, you know I was definitely in for a treat with him. He definitely keeps the laughs going. On the way down to the beach Friday night Matt started quoting scenes from the movie "Forest Gump". At which some point Ericka and myself joined in. I think we literally quoted over half of the movie. Then we jump on to the next subject.

Well little did we know that we would end up at Bubba Gump Shrimp Company on Saturday night. ( That place is Awesome!!!) If you have ever been you know about the trivia game they play while waiting for your meal to be served. Of course, we had a blast there. We even learned something about the movie that we didn't know. Ericka made the comment that she had not watched the movie from beginning to end. So where did we end up after dinner? You guessed it. Wal-Mart to buy the movie! Haha... So, Saturday night we watched Forest Gump from beginning to end. Matt and myself paid really close attention to the new things we learned about the movie. But through out the movie, someone in a scene would always say something that seemed so minor but yet so important.

Ya know, Forest wasn't as "stupid" as the kids and even the adults thought he was. His mama always said, "Stupid is as stupid does." Forest was just simple. Just from him being simple we could learn a lot from that in its self. I mean this day in time people just don't want simple. They do things the hard way or learn the hard way most of the time. I have been through enough hard times and found out things the hard way enough that I enjoy the simple things in life.

Forest never read to deep into anything! Today society does. You say one thing and well just hold on cause someone somewhere will take it totally different. We walk on eggshells so we won't hurt anyone's feeling but did Forest? Heck no! He just said it. Was he ugly? NO! He was just being honest. We are alot like Forest, we aren't trying to be ugly but the other person takes it that way. That follows with a quote from Forest, " Mama always said there's an awful lot you can tell about a person by their shoes. Where they're going, where they been."  Yep this is totally true but how often do we really stop and look at a person's "shoes"?

Maybe not in a literal sense of actually looking at their shoes but even though that wouldn't hurt either. But look at their life shoes per say. My shoes are definitely different from yours and yours are different than the next person. But like Forest said, " I have worn lots of shoes." We all have! Sometimes it feels good to get rid of certain shoes though! Haha... You must admit that you are totally agreeing with me and you know exactly which pair too!! :) But we wore those shoes for a season in our life that was unavoidable! A season that we went through for a reason!! We should be thankful for every pair of shoes we have worn. I am because if it wasn't for all the different shoes I have worn, I wouldn't be where I am today! And I am right were I want and need to be.

Sorry guys, I know this is another long winded blog but I have so much to get out. So... back to the blog.

I remember when I was in some shoes I didn't want to be in and questioned God, " Why am I here in these shoes?" I also remember how I buried deep down and didn't want anyone to know that I was wearing those shoes. When in reality, people knew anyway. I was ashamed! I will admit it. Those shoes made me feel as though I was a complete failure. But that changed!

A new pair of shoes came along so to speak. I begin to realize in myself to be proud of where I had been and where I was going. I had been in those shoes for a reason. Now I realize, a really good reason! I learned more about life in those shoes than I have ever learned in my entire life. Now I have a chance to share it and hopefully help someone else.  I didn't see it then because well quite frankly I was to busy throwing a pity party. Lots of people are really good at that too. Just sayin! But the shoes I wear now fit perfect. I think these shoes show where I am going and where I have been.

I learned a lot while wearing certain shoes. As did Forest in some of his shoes. Forest has so much to offer us in this complicated world. Forest is simple. " Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your gonna get."

How true, how true Forest!

"Don't let anybody tell you they're better than you , Forest. If God intend everybody to be the same, He'd have given us all braces on our legs." Well Forest Gump's mama was right. But look at it like this... at some point we all have braces on our legs just differs from one to another.

I am not any better than you and I never will be. Life isn't a competition. Life is about being on the same team.

I will quit rambling about Forest and how he touched my heart this weekend. hehe.. I challenge you to watch the movie Forest Gump again. But to watch and learn from Forest, not laugh at him and his simple mind. A simple mind is a simple heart which is simple love.

"Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get."

Life is made up of Choices

Warning: This post could be a little long!! Haha...

If you stop and think about it life really is made up of the choices we make. Whether those choices are good or bad, right or wrong, healthy or unhealthy. Basically every choice/decision will either be a positive or a negative. Well that's how I see it anyways.

We make choices that some say are the most important choices of our life, like: school, work, our family, our religion, our friends, our own health. Then there are choices people say are just everyday choices, like: what to wear, what to eat, what kind of music to listen to, what time we go to bed, etc. Those everyday choices could be listed many times, many different ways and in all sorts of manners. But what we tend to forget is that those everyday choices make up those most important choices of our lives. Well how? Here's how.

This is the top of my list because I see it the most often of all. To be healthy or unhealthy. How does everyday choices lead to an important choice in life about health. Well, pretty simple actually. We choose everyday what we will eat that day for breakfast, lunch and supper. And even our snacks. But when the times comes to choose that apple over the cookie what do you choose?  Society as a whole has put their health on the back burner or has completely turned their backs on being healthy.  You see all sorts of news stories about obesity being an issue but do the news stations ever promote a healthier lifestyle. NOPE!! Because when they go to a commercial it's usually a McDonald's or Wendy's or a video game of some sort. Which don't get me started on the whole video game thing. I have my own views about that.  Anyways, every time I go to the cardio doctor, he tells me the same thing over and over, Jessica healthier food and exercise is the best thing for you.

As a society, we watch all the makeover shows. We sit in front of the TV and say " Man, Look at all that weight he/she lost. Look how good they look now. Wish I could lose weight and be healthy." How many times have you said that or have heard someone say that? ha a lot either way probably! Well, society it's time to realize that YES you can do something about it by making the RIGHT, HEALTHY,GOOD Choices in your life from here on out.

When I started working out back in March, I was so excited that I was "gonna get in shape." Well, a little fire started to grow in me. That fire needed to be fueled. I had a desire to start changing more than just getting a good look. (ha ha) The choice to go to the gym lead to the choice to eat healthy. With the help of some awesome people who CHOSE to help me and my sweet friend Rhoda, we are making those RIGHT, HEALTHY, GOOD Choices. Of course, we have our cheat day but then we jump right back on track and keep going.

Now with all that being said, I want to follow up with this. When I started making those healthier choices for me it not only changed the outside appearance but the inside too. For starters, my body as a whole is much healthier inside and out just because I am taking care of it now. But my soul too has changed. Why well... I can for one go to the gym stressed, upset, mad, crying ( yep did that before), worried and then I get in there and basically work out all those feelings. It's much better to take out anger or hurt or frustrations on weights than on a person you care for. Going to the gym has taught me a lot about discipline and dedication. but one thing leads to another just as one choice leads to another. I chose to change for a healthier me and got way more than I ever bargained for. I see things a lot different now because someone chose to help me, I chose to change and i choose to continue. Plant a seed and watch it grow.

I can't make anyone do anything. But I hear people say well that's just not for me. Well, yea going to the gym may not be for you at first but find what works for you. Walk in your neighborhood or at the park. Run if you want to run. Do sit ups in the comfort of your own living room. Just make the right decision for yourself. Once you make a right decision you will want to make another one.

Choices are everywhere everyday. I could sit here and write about many of them but we would be here for days and this you know. But health is just one choice I have realized is important. Just as will you smile to brighten someones day or ignore the fact they are even around.

So when it comes to making "important life choices" or "everyday choices" I pray you make the right choice. Not just health wise but with anything in life. One choice changes everything! I chose to blog about it, you choose what to do with it.

My path is different from your path and that's ok!!

We have all found our self at some point in time telling a friend, a co-worker, a family member, and sometimes even a stranger that we have been in their "shoes" and that we completely understand. But do we really understand?

When I started going through the divorce it seemed I couldn't find the first person that understood what I was going through. And when I finally talked to someone that said they did understand, they had no clue as to how I actually felt in my heart. They were so far away from understanding. It bothered me that I felt alone and that no one understood. My parents have been happily married for years. They could only show me love and support in the best way they knew how.

It bothered me for a long time, I honestly felt so alone in this world. I had and still have a great support of family and friends but they can't fix something that's broken on the inside. My mind started asking questions like why am I in this situation and no one seems to understand? Then it seemed the more I thought about it, the more people would tell me they understand and had been in my shoes before. Then as most of you can guess those people started telling me how I needed to handle my situation. Wow!! Glad I followed my heart and what I thought was the right thing to do!! I am much happier with my own decision.

Bit by bit my hard heart started to realize, hey my path is different for a reason. There is a purpose, there is a plan. Then more and more my attitude changed and I really begin to notice that not one person has been down the exact path I have been on or never will they be on the same path. We all walk a different path but me and my path may be able to help you and the path of your life.

It's ok that we have a different path that's what makes us so unique. Yes we are different but it's how you handle your path and how you cut your path that makes THE difference.

I have realized that my path is my path and your path is your path. I don't worry about running into someone on my path, my path may cross yours and that's when we should help each other. I am working on cutting my own path for the best. My path is different from your path and that's ok!!!

Just remember don't judge someone by the path they have already tread, if anything help them cut the path in front!!

" Don't look down on someone unless you are helping them up!"- Author unknown

New at this blogging thing!!!

So I am completely new to the blog thing. Any help would be great!! I decided to set up a blog for a few reasons actually. One reason is so many times on Facebook I want to say something that encourages people but quickly run out of room to say what I really want to say. My second reason is just a way to reach to other family members. Lastly, I just want to write sometimes and hope and pray that it helps someone!

So, I know my blog looks boring and is missing a lot but slowly I will get it the way I want it I guess. Step by step right? haha.... I debated for a while about starting a blog because chasing after my little man takes up most of my time.

I wouldn't trade being mommy for anything in the world. My little man will be three years old in January. God truly blessed me when Stephen came into my life. Those precious smiles and the little voice that calls for "mommy" is absolutely PRICELESS!!!

It's just Stephen and me these days. I am not ashamed to say that I am divorced and a single mother. There is no reason to be ashamed of it. God has taught me so much since I have become a single mother that it would be ashame to be ashamed!! I have definitely learned how to be on my own and completely self supportive. Which is a huge accomplishment for me.

So now I will leave it at that. See if I can get this thing to look a little better....