12 years later...

We all face situations that affect us, impact us, or change us. These situations are not always the happiest situations that turn our life around. Sometimes the worst situations get our attention the most.

12 years ago on November 17th the worst situation I have ever had to face happened. Nanny's ( my dad's mother) birthday is November 17th. She would have been 78 this year. Hard to believe that it is been 12 years since the accident.

November 17, 1999- I was a freshman in high school sitting in my biology class. I remember a lot of students were being called to the office about something they had done. I don't remember what but I remember thinking "I don't have anything to do with what is going on but boy do I wish I would be called out of class." I was so bored that morning. It was a Wednesday morning. Then I heard the office buzz in to the class I was in and ask my teacher to send me to the office. Immediately my heart fell, why was I being called up to the office? What had I done?

When I got to the office, Mrs. Crawford the school secretary told me to go back to my class get my belongs and that my parents, both of them, were on their way to get me. I knew immediately something was very wrong. I thought to myself and even said something to a friend when I got back in class and gathering my things, " It must be my great- grandmother. She hasn't been doing well." I remember as I turned the corner my parents came through those double doors with fear and panic written all over their face.

Nanny had been in a wreck and things were bad, really bad. At that moment, I remember crying and the whole world seem to stop. I remember the bell had rang for recess and people trying to talk but we literally were running to the car.

I remember moma dropped daddy and me off at the ER and we were quickly met by a male nurse telling us she was in emergency surgery due to head injury. We were given a bag with all her belongs to hang on too.

She had ran a stop sign that morning around 7 or so. A Jeep running 55 to 60 MPH hit her on her side of the car. Her head hitting the review mirror or the steering wheel.

I remember when Donna, my cousin, she is like my daddy's sister though , arrived. We all waited to hear what the doctor would say after surgery. We were so anxious to see Nanny. Please remember is was 14 years old approaching my 15th birthday less than two weeks from that day.

I remember us sitting at this round table. Mom, dad, Donna, me and the doctor. He was talking all jibberish until he said, "If it would have been my mother, I would not have done the surgery." Say WHAT?? Doc have you lost your mind?? Really? I remember getting so angry with him. He basically sat there and said he would just let her die. Due to the situation, after the surgery she was on life support for 72 hours, that was required before any decisions could be made about the next step.

We talked about a nursing home, which I had my hopes up that she would bounce back because if you knew Sybil nothing ever got her down. :) Full of Life!!!

I went to school the next two days. On Friday when I got to the hospital, Daddy took me to a little waiting room away from the ICU waiting room where everyone else was. We talked about the fact that she had always been so full of life and now she had no brain activity at all. She was in a complete veggiative state. Daddy asked if I had remembered her one request if something ever happened to her. And I sadly replied Yes, she never wanted to be on life support or hooked up to any machines. She didn't want to be that way she would rather just go on to be with the Lord.

With that being said, the doctor said that  we had to make a decision. And as much as I can remember the doctor wouldn't take just daddy's decision but it had to be mine. Something about the closest relatives, since daddy was an only child. ( I think that's right). I just know we had to agree or the doctor wouldn't do anything.

For a 14 year old, your hardest decision should be what to wear to school for pictures, not to remove your grandmother from life support. Deep down I knew what she had always said. I even joked that she might haunt us if we didn't do what she wanted. But all joking aside, i fell to pieces knowing that I was gonna lose one of the closest people to me. I had spent every afternoon with her for years and had spent the night with her every other weekend for almost my whole life. And we had taken multiple road trips together. I still regret not taking the last she wanted though. I should have went but how was I to know what was ahead.

The next day was the day that the life support would be turned off. The staff and doctors at Flowers Hospital were awesome. Usually if you have someone in ICU you can only visit at certain times. Knowing the situation all nurses and doctors allowed us in freely and for as long as we wanted to stay. I went in and out but never could stay long. Because I wanted so bad for her to wake up and stick her tongue out at us and laugh. But I knew that wasn't going to happen. Daddy stayed by her side most of the day. Family and friends gathered for support.

I remember Adam, Austin and myself wouldn't hardly go in the unit. We stayed close to each other in the waiting room. The time had come and we were standing in the hall when my daddy and a crowd of family and friends came out. The look on his face said it all. I recall I didn't fall to pieces, I couldn't at that point I had to be strong for my daddy. My daddy needed me.

We were all given a last chance to go see her at the hospital. I remember Adam, Austin and Donna ( I think), and I went in one last time. Telling her we love her and would miss her like crazy, one random heart beat came across the vital sign screen. Medically they will tell you that was just her nervous system. But I like to say she heard us.

No doubt in my mind that she is in a better place. Probably showing the Lord how to make a chocolate cake and some homemade jelly! :)

I remember going back to school and having an awesome group of friends show their love and support. It wasn't easy, espeically when this one guy stopped me in the hallway at school and said, " you killed her, you know that right?"  I fell to pieces. I owe Rachel Lee and Hannah Dykes Durant the world. The love and support the showed me was the only thing that helped at school.

12 years later it still seems like yesterday. But 12 years later I have conquered the depression that I fell into for 2 1/2 years and have learned so much and realized so much.

I consider it to be a horrible blessing. I learned during that time that family is the most important. I am truly blessed to say that she was my grandmother. And I am truly blessed with a wonderful family. I often find myself wondering what she would say about certain things going on in my life or what she would think about Stephen.

I have in the past 12 years known people having to make the decision dad and I did. And my heart breaks for them because I know the pain they feel. Death is never easy to deal with but just in the past 4 years have I been able to attend a funeral.

So after this sad blog I have written, I want to wish Nanny a very speical birthday! I miss you and love you! I will see you again one day! 12 years later I can smile and think of all the good times we had. The funny stories and things we use to do. 12 years later I smile and Thank God for the bad situation that affected me, impacted me, and changed me.

She is the one who taught me how to live life and have fun. So this week as Thanksgiving approaches I will Thank God for the time I got to spend with her and for the little life lessons she taught me when I didn't even realize it.